ONE DIRECTION MURDERED ME

Chapter one: meeting zayn

Early on Saturday morning I made my way to the fish and chip shop, on Saturdays the chippie does a two for one sale on all meals. I was just skipping along the path with my brand new 1D sweater, it was so awesome and limited addition. When I got to the chippie I tripped over a loose tile just as I entered the store. I fell to the ground, my one direction sweater getting ripped by a massive rock so that only Zayns face was visible now...
I was pretty upset as I had just spent all my birthday money on that sweater and my favourite member was definitely Niall he was just so cool and Irish AND NOW HIS FACE WAS ALL MESSED UP!
So I picked myself up, gathered up all the broken pieces of my sweater and ran home screaming and crying. I burst through the front door and shouted "mother, father this is the worst day of my life! My new sweatshirt is ruined and the only man left standing is Zayn and I hate Zayn!"
Suddenly Zayn Malik smashes through the kitchen window knocking over my mums brand new award winning basil plant and screamed "the gods have chosen you, you must come with me or die"
I didn't know what to say because In that moment one directions security guard crawled through the cat flap, squashing my cat to death, and shot my mum and dad. I had no choice now but to go with Zayn.
I knew he was a bad egg.

Zayn knocked me out and put me in his jacket pocket and he swiftly dodged the broken pieces of glass on the floor. His security guard followed behind but he was not so agile and he cut his feet many times. Everything was a whirlwind but I do remember that Zayn was chewing cool breeze flavoured gum and it was really mouldy. He spat the gum out and stuffed it in my mouth then he said
" if you ever want to see the light again then you must chew this gum like you've never chewed before."
I said "ok" and moved my jaw up and down faster than my mum runs for the bus when she goes to work in the morning. My teeth grinded against each other, as Zayn ran towards his spaceship. We got into the spaceship and Zayn sudden took my one direction sweat and licked it all over he then put it on his security guard, the one who killed my cat" the security guard then shot him self and turned into dust.
Suddenly Harry, Liam and Louis burst through the window of the spaceship knocking Zayn out of balance and sending me flying of my feet. All of one direction were here apart from Niall. Harry came up to me and ripped of my socks stuffing them into the microwave and pouring salsa all over my bare toes. I felt so ashamed I was such a mess. I forgot to mention that I didn't brush my hair this morning. Louis got a waft  of my armpits and then got a jar and captured the smell inside it. He said he was going to use it to kill small animals or people who annoyed him. Liam suddenly flew through the window knocking over Harry and Zayn like dominoes but then Spider-Man smashed through the roof and shot his webs to save Liam.
Suddenly Niall walked in..... he ripped of his trousers he had been going commando that day and I could see his bare bum. He whipped out a gun from his belly flaps did a ninja jump and then shot me in the head.

The end