Story of A Lost Girl

Part 1

Hi. I'm Icey5105. I will warn you my life is kinda messed up, and sounds like something out of a melodrama, but it's true. PLEASE NOTE NONE OF THE NAMES WILL BE REAL DUE TO CONFIDENTIALITY, PRIVACY, & PROTECTION OF OTHERS. Some of these people would most likely get in a lot of trouble if someone found out what they did, and I don't want that - even if they hurt me.

NOTE FOR PREVIOUS READERS: I've edited some of this as some of it was inaccurate (many of this was from when I was younger) or new information had become important. Also, I've cut out parts that I'm uncomfortable with sharing.

So yeah. I guess I'll start now.

THANK YOU FOR READING!

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I was two years old when I made my first friend. I'll call her Amelia. Amelia was good person. A bit bossy, but not unkind.... more protective. She was two as well. We grew up as next door neighbors. Her back porch was several feet above my house's large fence. My porch was a good foot or so shorter. We would shout to each other about random stuff, standing on the chairs on the porches. When we were three, our parents started to take us to the park or she started to come to my backyard (in her backyard there wasn't a gate on the fence, though there was one on the porch).

The first signs something was wrong I didn't notice at the time - I was too innocent.

She started to tell me things like, "Mommy and Daddy are fighting again?" or "Mommy made Daddy sleep outside." etc...

I was too caught up in having a new younger brother to notice - he'd been born when I was four.

By the time we were five, her parents got a divorce. I actually don't exactly know what happened, but her mom left for years after that. This had a very bad affect on Amelia. At first she was hurt, "Mommy doesn't want me anymore!I miss mommy! I want my mommy..." Eventually, she started to lash out at those around her. She started smoking and I gained my first bully.

Amelia went from being my best friend to my worst nightmare. She would beat me up, threaten me, and hurt me everyday. When school started that year, we were in the same class. I was scared of her. She gained friends, but I never did.

I would go out of my way to stop her from bullying others - making me even more of a target.

Then, to make things worse, I got my first two diagnosises.

"Somethings not right with her." A teacher spat at my parents.

They took me to the doctor who diagnosed me with ADHD & Depression. They were wrong. They gave me antidepressants. That was a mistake as I became worse than ever. My mood changes were more frequent, though now I was angry more often than not. I was out of control, and the bullying didn't help.

My parents took me to another doctor and another.... and another...... and another... until I wound up with one of the best doctors in town. While she was wrong, she did find a medicine that worked and listened to my parents and myself. She even admitted that I was showing abnormal symptoms and that the diagnosis may not be perfect (she would go on to search for a better diagnosis until she had to retire and her detailed, descriptive documents have helped me my entire life. I owe a lot to her).

Anyways, I was diagnosed with a very severe case of early onset Bipolar disorder & Oppositional Defiant Disorder also known as ODD.

Meanwhile, my situation with Amelia got worse. She started to realize the teachers had no intention of doing anything to help. I was often blamed for getting into 'fights' (especially after I was diagnosed and the teachers were made aware of that). When she started to get away with it. others started joining in. Eventually, it turned into me against most of the kids in my class. The fifth graders were the most dangerous, but Amelia and one other friend were the most heartbreaking. I felt like everything was ending. I never knew it, but there was a girl trying to help, but her voice was out of my hearing range and eventually she gave up.

That brings us to when I got my third diagnosis.

I was hard of hearing, Partially Deaf. However you put it (just don't say hearing impaired), I wasn't able to hear properly. Most likely hadn't been able to since an incident when I was two (I was too close to a tornado siren being tested). Everyone at school knew immediately the moment I walked in with hearing aids. I'd been so proud of them. I'd picked out some with giraffe print that went behind ear, and a pink, sparkly ear mold. I was so excited, because I could finally hear. I'd had to wait several months so that an organization called Hearing Impaired Kids Endowment Fund (now known as the HIKE Fund or Hearing Improvement Kids Endowment Fund) could accept/authorize my application/request & raise enough money, but I'd finally gotten them. Maybe that's why my bullies decided to torment me over it. The teacher had warned that no one could touch them without my permission, but that didn't mean they couldn't tease me about it. As usual Amelia was the worst.

The bullying got worse everyday. I grew lonely, and timid. I was known as clumsy - which I actually was, but most of the bruises weren't from that. I started people watching. It would later become my only source of human interaction outside of my home.

I was constantly terrified of those around me. Every time someone walked towards me I flinched. No one ever did anything. My parents were worried, but I was afraid they would react like my teachers... so I didn't say anything.

By the time I was six, I was being bullied by fifth graders and first graders. One day, when the fifth graders and first graders had recess together, Amelia and some others sexually humiliated me before ripping my clothes off and spanking me. The fifth graders made several degrading remarks. This crossed into sexual assault — I realized later that even Amelia knew exactly what she was doing. With the way the kids were waiting for me... it might've even been premeditated. I'll never know, but I know that it was traumatic and terrifying. Eventually, I had to tell my dad when he heard them laughing about it after school during pick up. He, in turn, didn't let me return to the school in the fall, got it labeled as a violent crime, threatened to sue the school if the other kids weren't punished. The closest punishment those kids got? A couple of recesses revoked. My well-being and my innocence was worth nothing more than that to the school.

Thus began my school hopping.