Past Affections - LXC x JC fanfic

Past Affections

(A/N: warning – full of angst! T^T)

Jiang Cheng looked at Wei Wuxian laughing beside the blank-faced Lan Wangji. He raised his hand and felt his chest when it hurt.

"... again..." he muttered as he felt his heart beating. "And again... and again..." he muttered as he gazed at that red ribbon fluttering along with the black sleeves. "And again..." he muttered and, finally, looked away.

Doing so, his eyes caught sight of Lan Xichen sitting across him, sipping his tea.

"Sect Leader Jiang, is something wrong?" Lan Xichen asked when he saw him looking at him.

Jiang Cheng was about to answer 'no', when he raised his head and locked eyes with Lan Xichen. He felt his heart hurt again, then took a deep breath.

"... how does it feel to see someone you love got taken away from you?" he asked.

Lan Xichen's hand holding the teacup froze. "... sect leader Jiang holds a torch for someone?" he asked.

Jiang Cheng didn't answer, since the answer is obvious – Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian has always been with him ever since he can remember. Those adventures in Yunmeng he had gone with him, those times he saved him from the dogs, those times Wei Wuxian saved everybody from the dangers... even if he got jealous of how brave the other is, but that bravery of him made his feelings for him deeper – his brotherly feelings for him got mixed with something else. And he doesn't want to acknowledge, nor even admit that.

But, when Wei Wuxian died, he got crazed in finding him. He was mad at him, but also, deep in his heart, wished... for him to come back. just come back, and I could forgive you... those words of ine are all but empty... I know you did everything for me... he thought, remembered when he knew that Wei Wuxian sacrificed himself to give him his core because he knew he couldn't live in shame and without core for him to seek revenge.

Wei Wuxian... I am glad you came back. But, you already were taken by someone else. If I only knew this'd happen, I never would've let Lan Wangji take you away. He thought. I should've pushed further and take you by force.

Wei Wuxian... he thought, remembered when he got mad after seeing the two spent their night and hugged. He wasn't mad because Wei Wuxian went to his parents' grave, but mad because he confirmed Wei Wuxian also got feelings towards Lan Wangji and even swore before Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan.

Just then, he confirmed his feelings towards him, too. He's in love with him, when Wei Wuxian was already finally taken by someone else.

Just how bad his fate is?

Lan Xichen stared at Jiang Cheng.

"... how does it feel to see someone you love got taken away from you?" he asked him.

How, you say? He thought and sipped the tea. Just like this tea... he thought as he stared at Jiang Cheng, his heart hurt like it's wrung by a knife.

He felt very bitter.

His hand holding the cup tightened its grip and when he felt it cracked, he stopped. ... I can't let sect leader Jiang know... he thought and lowered his gaze when Jiang Cheng finally raised his tear-filled face. He can't bear to see him cry because of a different man in front of him.

He continued drinking his tea, having the bitter taste doubled.

Yunmeng.

"Jiang Cheng!" Wei Wuxian called and grinned. "Let's go to Gusu!" he told him.

Jiang Cheng just stared at him. "You go yourself." He told him. "You could've stayed there yesterday. Why go back here?" he asked, frowning.

But, Wei Wuxian just laughed and ran outside, carrying an apple to feed Little Apple.