Who I Really Am

Just Go

I'd had such an awful day today, Elektra just pushed me to the edge.

What she said really hurt, not because it was nasty or anything

But because she was painfully right.

I walk in to see Cam stood by the cooker I just stand there watching her, before going to get changed

She's my real family. Right?

I get a text from Mike which I just decide to ignore, as I head back into the kitchen Cam gives me a smile

'Cam?' I say

'Yes Tracy?' She says, giving me a smile

I don't smile back. Just look down to the floor close to tears

'what's up?' She says softly, taking my hand

'Come on let's take a seat and crack this open and you can spill all' Cam says giving me a hug

I take a seat and she brings over the bottle of wine pouring out two glasses

'So what's happened?' She asks

'I don't wanna talk about it' I say sadly, refilling my glass

'You can talk to me'

No. I can't.

I tell her about the whole situation of going to see Elektra's family

'Poor Elektra' Cam says

'Yeah.' I say sadly

'That's not all is it?' She says

I shake my head

'Elektra said I wouldn't know about real families because I never had one' I blurt out

Cam looks shocked and then gives me a smile

'She was just upset, it's not true' she says

'Isn't it' I say, looking at her

'Of course not!' She says

'You tell me why I was in care for all those years then' I say under my breath

But it wasn't as quiet as I thought

'Because I needed time to make a decision and I'm truly sorry for taking so long with it' She says

'Then why did you? I was there for six years Cam. Six' I say angrily

The room falls silent, and it's so awkward

'Well!' I say

'Well what do you want me to say Tracy!' Cam says, an annoyed tone to her voice

'I want you to tell me why I was in care for six years if I had a family!' I say

'I can't answer that...but I was the one who took you away from there and gave you a family' she says

I scoff

'Yeah. You gave me a cheating stepdad, a sister who got taken away from me after a week and you didn't stop it, and as for you. You're not my family' I say cruelly

'Lily had a dad. Gary...he loved me, and me...I'm your mum Tracy' Cam says, tears coming to her eyes

'Gary didn't love you! He was USING YOU! and I told you endless times! But did you listen to me? No, course not!' I say angrily

'Stop' Cam says

'Why should I? Your STILL in love with him! You're pathetic! He's moved on! He doesn't want or need you!!' I shout

'Who do you think you are! And you can talk! You and Seth were together for what, three weeks!' Cam says

'That was different. Seth actually loved me! But Gary was using you! And you let him in because you're weak and you just really need a man don't you? It's undeniably pathetic! And you're not my mum! You never will be! You cling onto me because you're scared to be alone!' I say

'Shut up!!' Cam shouts slapping me across the face

I look up at her shocked

'We need some time apart' She says going into my room she starts packing me a bag

'I've got nowhere to go!' I say

'I don't care where you go! You're not my daughter apparently!' She says angrily

'Cam it's been an awful day, I didn't mean it' I say

'Don't you dare use that as an excuse!!' She says angrily before chucking my bag at me

'Just go' She says angrily turning her back to me

I nod silently, placing my keys on the table, I walk out of the house and start to cry

I've got nowhere else to go.

Mike hates me.

Cam despises me.

What have I done...