Love is Love

Love conquers all.

Since i was a little girl ive known i was different. Ive always been more attracted to Women. As a tiny girl you dont know any better its all innocent. It wasnt until i was 10 i developed my first crush.  She was in the same year as me and she was beautiful. Huge brown eyes that you could just lose yourself in , Long bouncy curly hair she was also so kind and caring.

We instantly became friends she was more outgoing than me and went for what she wanted. In the playground she would create games called kiss chase. We didnt like boy's (at 10 boys were horrible) so we chased each other as friends. everytime she had to kiss me my tummy did summersaults. It felt amazing.

One day playing kiss chase a boy kissed me and it was horrible it was like kissing a wet fish. I never wanted it to happen again.

Since a young age we were always taught that girls only kissed aunties grans or friends . Kissing friends wasnt an option. Apart from boy friends. So i knew that even although it felt good it was actually bad in a lot of peoples eyes.

As i got older though I was entering puberty and hormones were raging it was getting harder and harder to deny that the feelings i was having for women were innocent.

They werent I was starting to get the feelings of attraction goosebumps, Tingles chills, feelings i had never ever felt like strong romantic feelings.

If a nice girl spoke to me id get flustered hot and shy and embarrassed. I also couldnt help but admire them noticehow beautiful they were how they had nice eyes noses lips and of course i would notice that they had lovely legs or bottoms sometimes they would catch a glimpse of me but not say anything.

I knew it felt good but becauae we were only allowed to notice boys in this way I started to think there was something wrong with me. We were always encouraged at school to talk about what bothered us but i wouldnt because I thought I would get into trouble and that the school would tell my parents which terrified me so i kept quiet.

In fact i buried them deep and started dating boys at 14 i got my first boyfriend he was a great guy but i didnt like him in that way. We held hands and kissed but it wasn't nice or anything it was rather uncomfortable. Relationships with guys never lasted i always called them off before they got a chance to get serious.

At 16 i met this guy at school who was really lovely. I actually did develop feelings for him but not in a sexual kind of way. We got on great went out had fun did couple things but there was nothing there for me otherwise.

One day something happened that i had no choice but to end things with him. This incident really put me off men for life. It was then i decided thats i would focus on women.

For years I was just happy to be alone i accepted that just because i liked women i wouldnt pursue it any further as it is wrong and dirty and isnt looked on positively in society. So As much as being gay was part of me i just shoved it to the back of my mind and just plodded on through life.

It was a constant struggle though as all my friends were happy and settling down and starting families and i was all alone in life. People probaly think well you made that choice. Trust me I had no choice. Coming out was just like entering a war zone i was better staying in the closet.

I became really depressed at 19 and part of it was to do with me not coming out. I just couldnt I needed my family around me at this time. I knew my mum and dad wouldnt handle it well dad was always making quips about gay people about them being disgusting and it being wrong. Mum had the same opinion as dad so it was best to keep to myself.

I often thought that i would be better off dead. It would be the best solution as im disgusting and horrible and just a joke to society my family are better off without me. Only personi ever told about being gay was my doctor she really wanted me to get counselling but i refused. I always said oh i shouldnt have made the choice to be this way.

That statement changed my life. Doctor told me it wasnt a choice it was how i was meant to be. Its just how i was made. This made a lot of sense to me. I needed to accept who i was first before i told family. So i started reading up on it and reading loads of articles from ladies and girls in the same position as me. I realised that i wasnt on my own and there  were others out there in my position.

So from 16 till 34 I was single and on my own i decided i needed to find someone and live my life fully. So i singed up to a well known dating app spoke to many different girls. There was one i was getting on really well with and we were talking about meeting and going on dates it was from here i decided that i needed to come out. 

I messaged a good friend asked her if we could chat she said yeh of course so we sat down with a drink i still wasnt sure if i was going to tell her everything but my emotions took over  I just broke down and everything came out. She told me i was so brave and it was a chat next step was my mum so i did it the only way i thought was right.

I wrote her and dad a letter left it for them and left. A few hours later i got a knock at the door and I knew it was them. I thought oh god this is going to be awful. I couldn't have been more wrong they told me they werent over the moon about it but they would support me 100% and they have.

My first 2 relationships were a disaster but mum and dad just supported me through it. My 3rd relationship faired much better im still with her and she is amazing. So supportive kind caring loving considerate.

She treats me very well and supports me through everything i go through with my help. We make decisions equally. We just respect each other on october 27th last year she made me the last woman alive and we got engaged. We are currently saving for our wedding just now so hopefully in a few years we will be married. I honestly cant wait.

I wish i had found the courage to come out years ago but everything happens for a reason and i was meant to undertake my journey to get to where i am now. Now i dont think of myself as disgusting i just think im me im in love with a woman and if people dont like it they can lump it. Everyone is entitled to be happy.

After all LOVE IS LOVE!!!