No doesnt mean no.

Fear and Terror

It was a bright sunny June day and 16 year old Katie was going through her usual morning  ritual. She had washed dressed and was doing make up and having a conversation in the mirror.

Today the topic was sexuality and relationships. Katie was in a relationship  (non sexual ) with James who was also 16.

Jamie wanted more she didnt you see she secretly wanted to be with women. She was lesbian and not out to anyone being gay or lesbian in the 1990s was frowned upon. Her family thought it was dusgusting. Best thing today was keep quiet.

"What do i do she asked herself in the mirror" I dont want to sleep with him he wants too though. Im happy having non sexual relations  She decides she is just going to tell him no that she thinks they should split up.

Katie heads to school ready for her Economics exam she was meeting Jamie later she would do it then.

12pm comes round and Katie is waiting for Jamie to meet her. They decide to go for a walk. Do it now Do it now she tells herself. So she plucks up the courage. She starts to speak. "Jamie I think we should just be friends " He looks really furious. Why he asks.? Katie says to him "Im sorry im not interested in you in that way"

He is quiet for a second then he asks "Is there someone else" (I wish i think ) No i answer. He then says ok im sorry im going to head home get lunch and get ny head straight see you tomorrow. We both agree its for the best as we need thinking time. So we say goodbye and both walk off.

Then it happens.....

Katie is walking through an underpass on her own to get a bus. She is deep in thought having just split up with Jamie.

Suddenly she hears footsteps behind her she starts walking faster footsteps get closer and closer suddenly she is full of fear and starts running. Next thing she knows she is on the ground having fallen she has skinned her knee but gets up and tries to run but is grabbed from behind she tries to escape but she is held in a firm lock and cant escape.

Let me go she shouts put me down. She then starts squealing at the top of her lungs HELP HELP HELP. No one answers Again she shouts HELP HELP HELP. This time she gets a swift punch to the head which knocks her out.

She comes round dazed confused and frightened.  she feels a sense of someone looking down on her Jamie she says what are you doing. No one rejects me he spits.  You will regret this. Please she says  lets talk dont hurt me . No he says its too late. Katie screams what are u going to do.?

Next thing she knows he is kicking punching and biting her all over no she yells please stop the more she shouts the worse it gets so she just lies back and hopes it will be over soon.

He stops with a massive grin on his face and snarls that will teach you to reject me. Katie tries to speak but cant  she can taste blood running down her mouth. She tries to get up and he pushes her back down while asking did i say you could get up.

Somehow Katie finds her voice and says i dont need too asshole let me up. Next thing she knows his whole body is on top of her get off me she shouts. Shut up he says or im going to kill you.

Next thing she knows he is ripping her shirt off pulling up her skirt and removing her underwear. Katie trying to protect herself is clamping her legs together saying no no no. I dont want too no. Tough he says im saying yes she keeps screaming no get off me hoping someone will come to her aid.

No one comes. She lies there terrified crying and powerless next thing she feels this surge of pain between her legs its too late he is raping her no she squeals please stop please stop im begging you stop. Shut up you silly bitch he shouts.

She just freezes lies there and lets him do what he wants to do. She is disgusted and annoyed with herself for not fightung back but she was terrified he would kill her so she had to just lie there.

Next thing Jamie is up and says to Katie i bet you wish now you had just said yes.  After that he just turns on his heel and legs it while shouting tell anyone ill kill you.

Katie gets up gets dressed best she can . Walks to the nearest toilet cleans  herself up wipes her cuts gets on the bus and heads home.

Her parents are at work so this gives her time to get her story straight. She gets home gets changed waits for her parents to come in and just tells them she was attacked by a rival school gang. Her parents want to take her to the hospital or doctors she says no im fine i just need rest.  Thankfully they
agree to this and they  keep her off school for a few days.

She keeps it bottled up and thinks well i must have desrved that i should have just said yes. Obviously no doesnt mean no.

25 years later after multiple suicide attempts she finally plucks up the courage to tell someone who just happens to be a very close friend. She wont ever go to the police whats done is done but she feels such a weight has been lifted by just saying those 3 words i was raped. In no way has she dealt with it she knows she will probably need therapy but she is just thankful for the friend who listened therapy will come soon.