Well guys today was absolute shit I feel like garbage and I'm legit just cold as ever for no reason. I stayed home from school but I'm still gonna try to leave the house today I found my dads secret stash of money so that's always great. I've been clean from cutting for about 2 weeks now so that's always good. I just about passed out at certain points yesterday because I was so sick but I made it through and I'm okay now. I just ordered some stuff off amazon and found my bestfriends Christmas present which I couldn't give to her but I should be able to very soon. I miss my little brother so much and I feel like the biggest dick because I legit pushed him away again and I'm so mad at myself I put him through so much pain when he was little and I'm doing it all over again. I'm gonna try to text his dad tonight and hope I didn't fuck up our relationship again. I just want to say I love you dad I know we never met because depression consumed you and you took your own life before I was born but I still love you and if it was because of me I'm so sorry❤️😭.
2/26/19
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