The Girl With The Glowing Skin

The Letter

Dear Ana,

Writing this feels surreal.

There was a time when I hoped and prayed for a letter like this. One where you said sorry, and that you did want me, and I'd imagined myself writing a thousand different replies, all, in the end, saying yes.

But that was a long time ago. I'm not a little kid anymore - I don't harbor fantasies. My answer to you is a firm, resounding no.

That felt liberating to write. No. No, no, no.

Look. I'm not angry. I used to be - but I'm older now, and I realize that sometimes, people make choices, but can't deal with the unintended consequences. I'm not upset with you for leaving me - children are a lot of work and need a lot of time and effort, and that just won't work for some people. I think you made the right choice, leaving me on St. Mary's' steps.

You chose your life over me, and now, I'm doing the same to you. I'm choosing my life here, my family here, over you. I'm choosing my home over you.

From the minute you left me here until only very recently, I'd been yearning to have a home, to have a family, while failing to realize that everything I wanted, I already had. I'd always thought that family could only mean the people who were biologically related to me, never stopping to consider that the people who chose to keep me in their lives were more close to me than you could ever be.

I have friends here that I would die for, and who'd do the same for me. The girl that I like likes me back, and being with her makes me so happy I can't stop smiling. All the nuns at the church you left me at are like mothers to me. Imagine that! A girl abandoned by her mother now has not one, not two, but nine! And all of these people know me inside and out, and love me all the more for it.

They say family isn't blood - it's the people who you surround yourself with. Well, these are the people I've chosen. It may not be normal or traditional, but they're my family, for better or for worse.

Again, I'm not angry with you. Maybe sometime in the future, I'll visit you, and we can get to know each other. But for now, I want to stay here, in the home I've chosen, in the home I've created for myself.

It's where I belong.

Sincerely,

Idris Samhara