Could've Been

Prelude

Any other day Essence would have slammed the door in his face. But somehow those sorrow filled eyes let him right inside her Manhattan condo. Twenty eight years of friendship. Twenty eight years of secrets they had only shared with each other. Everything felt like it was going down the drain.

Erik stood in the doorway, his clothes soaked in the night's rain. It was one of the worst thunderstorms in the last few years and here he was at her doorstep.

"Erik, what the fuck," Essence whispered, stepping back to let her best friend inside as he created a puddle on her hardwood floor. "It's storming out there, what are you doing out?"

"Had to see you," he murmured, his eyes fixed on Essence in the candle lit living room. The lights had gone out hours ago.

Had to see her? But, he hadn't seen her in weeks. Since the last time she put him out of her condo and told him to never return. They had many spats, but this one ended with Essence in tears and Erik angrier than he'd ever been with her. "What for," she crossed her arms over her chest, waiting to hear any excuse Erik could come up with on the fly.

"You know why," he answered, sounding as if he was offended by Essence's question. "Baby..."Erik began, ready to plead his case to a brick wall because Essence was done.

"No, I honestly don't." Sadly, Essence didn't know why Erik had ended up on her doorstep. Seeing him after their fallout was hard on a heart that still yearned for him.

"I'm sorry," Erik apologized, stepping forward. Testing the waters. "Sorry for lying to you. Sorry for fucking up."

He meant every word but words wouldn't mend what Essence felt. Betrayal stared her right in the face and she couldn't shake it. A steady friendship had turned into a murky mess.

Essense stood her ground, not phased by Erik's apology, "She must not be home?" No answer. "That's the only time you pop up over here. When she's out on a business trip. Am I right?"

Erik had no answer because she was right. His wife worked as a producer and found herself traveling the world often. When she was away, somehow he'd end up in Essence's arms. It was obvious that Erik wasn't happy in his marriage and used Essence as a crutch. Playing the other woman was taking it's toll on Essence, a woman with higher morals and values than she was showing.

"You can't even answer me. What the hell are you really doing here Erik? I told you this shit between us was over," Essence argued. "I'm tired of you using me. I'm tired of feeling guilty because you're emotionally cheating on her with me. I told you to stay away from me."

"She's gone, E," was all he could muster up as a reply.

Gone? "Wha-What? What do you mean by gone?"

An expression Essence had never seen on Erik's face had appeared. Hurt. No one could hurt Erik. No one but the woman standing in front of him. Or so he thought. "She ran off with Kane. They left for London a few days ago. Left a note and her ring."

Essence froze in place, her mouth falling open but words not forming. Janet seemed like the type and she knew it all along.That was a poor excuse and Essence knew that. "I'm...I'm sorry Erik. I didn't know."

"I always knew something was up with that nigga," he admitted, beginning to pace. "All these business trips? Yeah, I caught her ass hanging out in Mexico with this dude at a couple's retreat. Do you know how hard it was not to kill them? This bitch lied to me and I'm supposed to let them live and enjoy the rest of their lives together?" The more he talked, the louder and angrier his tone got. Feeling betrayed was a feeling Erik knew all too well.

"Erik, Erik," Essence called out, trying to calm the angry man that was emerging. She pleaded with him, his eyes finally softening when they met hers. Essence's hands found their way to Erik's face, holding him still until his breathing returned to normal. Her scent alone calmed him. Took him back to their childhood when life seemed simple.

His hands rested on top of hers as she held each side of face. Those brown eyes he had known since they were in diapers stared back at him. Even though, she was mad as hell, Erik could still see a glimmer of hope. She hoped he had finally come to his senses. Hoped they could mend what had been destroyed. "E," he whispered, his face inches from her's. That familiar pull was stronger than ever.

Essence made the first move, pulling his lips to hers. A move that was dangerous and stupid in a sense. One tender kiss set their worlds on fire. One kiss was as dangerous as the storm outside. Erik dipped down to wrap Essence's long, brown legs around his waist. He walked towards the bedroom, careful to not knock over any candles.

Lightning struck, providing a second of light to lead Erik to the bed. They quickly undressed each other, desperate to feel their skin against the other's.

Settled in between Essence's thighs, Erik gently pushed himself inside. In awe of how she felt wrapped around him. He stayed still for a moment, mostly to keep himself from nutting too fast. But Essence was impatient. She had been yearning for this moment since the first time they'd made love. Back then, they had no idea what they were doing but it was a moment they remembered like it was yesterday.

"Ah," she grimaced, holding her hand to Erik's stomach.

"Shit, am I hurting you," he asked gently, pulling back out. Essence shook her head in response, gripping Erik's ass until they were joined as one again. "You good," Erik checked in, unable to read Essence's face through the quick flashes of lightning.

"I'm good," Essence whispered back, shifting her body underneath his weight, prompting Erik to move. He followed her lead, slowly rolling his hips. Had it all been worth it, he thought to himself. Breaking his promises he made years ago because he was afraid. Was it worth risking his friendship and throwing away true love because he was a coward?

The answer was no. None of it was worth hurting Essence or wasting time on someone who didn't deserve him.

Essence could barely see Erik's face, but she could read his body language. Every stroke was a new way of saying I love you. She held on to each one, hoping he could read her body too. I love you too. Her nails sunk into Erik's back as he nuzzled her neck, whispering sweet words in her ear. Erik was never this soft with anyone else, not even his wife. Essence was the only woman that had that type of hold on his heart.

Feeling Essence tighten around him, he grabbed her hands, holding them in place over her head. "I love you," he moaned.

Hearing him utter those words was bittersweet. It was great hearing him say them, but she couldn't help but wonder what they could've been...