Afterlight ✔️

chapter fifty-four

— Chloe Romano

What's your biggest fear?

Not long ago, I was asked that question and my answer was always the same: death. But now, it wasn't death that I feared the most, anymore. As I have been forced to grow up without my parents, and now had to continue living life without my brother, I was almost completely alone in this world — Keyword almost. The simple thought of losing Justin, only after losing my entire family, left me breathless.

Literally.

I was holding a pregnancy test in my hand as I wondered how I even got here. How could I have been so careless? Sitting on the toilet seat in Jamie's apartment, I tried to breathe steadily. With my hands shaking, my vision blurry, and Jamie talking to me outside the bathroom to calm down my nerves, all I could think about was Justin. If the test was positive and I was pregnant, I was scared to death he'd not want to be a part of my life anymore. It wasn't that I wouldn't blame him. I knew I wasn't the most responsible person, and for obvious matters, I was emotionally unstable.

"It's going to be alright." I whispered to myself as I looked at the test.

I had to have faith in us. If Justin stuck through all of the difficult situations that life threw at us, he'd surely stick around even with a child on its way. Right? However, there was still a chance it was negative, so that we could plan the rest of our lives the way we wanted to. Either way, I had to believe that Justin and I shared a bond so deep that nothing could break us ever again.

"What does it say?" Jamie asked through the door, snapping me out of my thoughts. Looking down at my lap, a pair of tears raced down my cheeks.

Negative.

It was negative.

Until now, I have never felt like the universe was on my side, or anything else as matter of fact. I knew I wanted to have a family one day, but now wasn't the right time, and I was grateful that I didn't screw up at least one thing in my life – my future with Justin.

Without realizing, Jamie stepped into the bathroom and took the test out of my hands. "You scared the living daylights out of me." She threw the test into the bin, and kneeled down to look at me. "He would have been okay either way."

"You don't know that for sure." I mumbled.

"I have a pretty strong feeling that he loves you more than anything else in the world, he would never leave your side." Jamie smiled lovingly, her eyes sparkling. "He'd move mountains for you."

"I know he loves me, but we're talking about a child. A human being that needs to be taken care of. It's not like we were ready for this, not yet, at least."

A sudden thought appeared in my mind, undeniable as the sun in a clear sky– I needed to tell Justin about today, I needed to be honest.

Jamie remained silent for as we walked back to her car, leaving me with my thoughts. It could have gotten so much worse than I actually expected; it could have been Damien's after he assaulted me, and there was no way I'd have survived those news. It seemed so absurd to me that I haven't even considered it at first, but I had already so much on my mind, or my brain simply tried to forget the trauma that happened and didn't even want to include the possibility. Nevertheless, after a tough year, this might be the best news I've had in such a long time. One less thing to worry about.

However, Justin deserved to know the truth. We both have been careless, and we were way too young and way too inexperienced to raise someone and provide for them. Not to mention that I promised him to be honest to him, as I expected for him to be with me. It was only fair to tell the truth.