A Plastic Statue of Mother Mary

The Warning

Most normal kids collect little figurines like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Star Wars. I am 29 and collect Jesus figurines, maybe a little bit less normal.

My father and I are quite into these Jesus figurines, but at a great cost. I recently broke up with my girlfriend Christy because she thought I was obsessed with my figurines and was only going out with her because she had the word Christ in her name. That is completely not the case at all. Maybe a little bit, but whatever!

My father has been divorced for three years and is currently the bar attender at our local pub, his 'dream job' apparently.

So here we are in the present, two broke, drunk men living in an apartment where my bed is half way over the toilet. You may wonder and ponder on the subject, why are you collecting such holy, pure people when you are doing such unholy things? I am an ironic fellow.

My father had completed his collection of holy figurines and refuses to let me anywhere near them. I on the other hand have one more figurine, the crown jewel that I have yet to behold...

The Statue of Mary, mother of Jesus.

One night trudging home drunk after too many beers and a few vodkas, something miraculous happened. On the curb a few blocks away from my house lay a small glowing figure. At first I thought I was just imagining things because I was drunk, but there it was a glowing figure out-shining the stars. I hesitantly crept towards her, still wobbly from all the alcohol. As I came closer, the figure shone brighter and brighter until I had to squint to see the intense features in the figure's face. She was a young girl, about fifteen by the looks of it. She had chestnut hair, ivory skin and a winter blue dress draped over her narrow body. I reached out and touched her petal skin and she woke up with a jerk. Her startled eyes shocked me with an electric blue.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"I am Mary, Mother of Jesus," she replied as if I were to already know that a woman from 0 B.C were to just magically appear on a curb near my local pub.

"What are you doing here my lady," I said politely, I didn't really know how to address the mother of Jesus so I was just polite.

"I am here to give Timothy a message," she replied, her angelic echoing voice surrounding us with only her perfected words. My name was Timothy although I liked being called Tim. Timothy makes me sound like a nerdy guy who lives on gum.

"My name's Tim," I replied, her eyes now gave me a look of authority not of some dazed girl from the heavens.

"You young man have wasted a great deal of your life collecting figurines from the holy testaments, look at yourself you are a drunk with nobody really to love other than your screwed up father," she told me sternly, "You have so much potential for a good life and you are wasting it doing nothing but trying to collect, well, me!"

Ok I would not expect those words to come out of the queen of the heavens.

"I have been collecting for three years now my lady and I just want to complete my collection. You are the jewel that I have never but yet to find!"

She sighed heavily and looked at me. She fumbled with her bony fingers and made little streaks of light spurt from her palms. Suddenly she made a loud bang and a little version of her stood in her palm.

"I will give you this on a condition, if you ever waste your life like this again I will be back and you will regret it, do you understand me?" she said a sudden feistiness coming over her original sweet voice.

I nodded slowly like a kid being punished for smacking his sibling. She threw it at my feet and disappeared in shower of light. I bent over and picked up the little figurine. The plastic was very warm and the figurine's face showed a Mona Lisa smile. I slowly walked to my door waiting for the massive hangover that awaited.