I just need to vent..

Allie,

I feel like I'm the only one who still cries when I think about you. I miss you more than I can describe. Everyday it hurts more and more knowing I chose not to be better friends with you. I'm afraid of the ocean now even though I know you wouldn't want me to be... but Allie I considered you one of my best friends and the ocean stole you from me! Your brother said when you died- scratch that- went home to Jesus, you went out on top. I beg to differ. DROWNING ISN'T QUICK AND PAINLESS! ALLIE YOU SUFFERED! I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO IMAGINE THAT PAIN! Why. Did it have to be you Allie? Why a 13 year old beautiful, sweetheart like you. Its not fair. I feel so selfish SO selfish for wanting you back. But Allie I can't help it. Oh my gosh Allie I can't remeber your voice. It's fading... Allie.. it's fading.. I can't lose you. Why didn't I hug you at youth? IT WAS THE LAST NIGHT YOU WERE ON EARTH. AND I DIDN'T HUG YOU. Allie..what I would do to go back and change that. I miss you so much.. So much..