Dear old me,
I know you had a lot of expectations for what life would look like today. I read through your journal entries from 8 or so years ago. You were hopeful of many things. Well it's 8 years into the future and I have some things to say to you. But before you freak out on me here... it's OK.
Alright? It's OK.
You're not driving your dream car and you still hate how you look. You didn't go to college. You aren't friends with some people who you thought would always be in your life and you're close to pushing away everyone else who's left. You're still too shy to sing onstage. You didn't keep up with piano. Your first kiss wasn't with your soulmate and the person who you thought would be there forever left you for someone else. You're not married and you don't live on a ranch in a cute, yellow house with horses or dogs. You're not a makeup artist and you don't have a baby yet. You're not in love with Andrew. You're not in love at all. You know better now. Your dad didn't get his shit together and man up to be the father you always wanted him to be. In fact, he's gone now and everyone's hurting. Your heart isn't strong and full of love, it's barely beating. You aren't able to wake up every morning and think happy thoughts. You spend hours at night trying to stop your mind from spinning so you can sleep.
But it's OK.
It's OK because you've learned a lot from what hasn't happened and you still have so much to learn from what is going to happen. It's OK because in losing so much, you've figured out how to protect yourself. If everything had worked out the way you hoped, you'd be naive and too comfortable for your own good. It's OK that you don't trust anymore because that only means that people can't sneak their shit by you. You were too attached to the idea that if you're good to the world it will be good to you. That's not how life works and you know that now. It's OK because you've gotten smart. You're tough now.
Dear today me, keep telling yourself it's OK. It's all you have right now. Maybe you don't need to feel happy to be OK. Maybe you don't need to have dreams and goals to be OK. Maybe you don't have to have someone who will hold you in their arms at the end of a shit day and tell you everything will be OK. Maybe you just need to tell yourself that. Just say it. It's OK.
It's OK.
YOU ARE READING
Dear Old Me, It's Ok
Non-FictionI've kept a journal on and off since I was about 10. I read through a few entries from when I was 13 or so and that prompted me to write another one today speaking to what I wanted when I was younger and what my life actually looks like today. Pos...
