If only I knew
What I am supposed to do
Who I am supposed to be
How I am supposed to tell them.
If only I could
Feel with passion
Be inspired by the world around me
Feel the desire to do anything.
If only I would
Get off my ass and do something
Call out when somebody wrongs me
Treat myself the way I diserve.
If only I hadn't
Let it go on until They were done with me
Stayed silent while my life crumbled around me
Agreed to do something I so obviously didn't want.
If only I said
What I was really thinking
How much I didn't want it
Why I couldn't do it.
If only I did
The thing I knew was right
What I wanted to do the whole time
Myself justice
If only...
But I can't.
Time travel isn't an option
And what happened happened.
I can try for next time
And I can remember what I learned.
But in the end there is nothing I can do, and all of the "if only"s I think of are my notes to myself.
My rules to live by
My standards of living.
Because I diserve more than what I allow myself
I diserve more than I believe.
