Abusing the Psyche with my own Self Destruction

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"You bastards! How could you?! How could you fucking do this to me?!" Dean shouted up to the summer down pour. "You took everything from me! EVERYTHING!" He threw the empty bottle in the drunken depression fueling his rage. "H-how could you...?" He huffed falling to his knees on the gravel and sobbed to himself. Ragged, abused, damaged beyond repair, and Sam had been gone for not even a week which lead Dean to fall apart faster than the torture he went through in hell, or so he thought. He was screaming his lungs out, bleeding from bullet wounds, bites, and scratches as surrounding him were hundreds of demons. The crossroads ceased to give Dean demons to kill, but were ever so tempted constantly by that delectable and scared soul that the angels plucked from their grip already.  "H-How..?" Dean gasped out, panting hard enough that he was shaking. "H-How could you do this to me? CASTIEL YOU FUCKING ANSWER ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU! HOW COULD YOU JUST TAKE SAM LIKE THAT?!? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO KILL HIM? I THOUGHT YOU KNEW BETTER, BUT YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN YOUR DIPSHIT BROTHERS AND SISTERS I GUESS HUH?" Dean coughed and spit a bit of blood up as he was on his hands and knees. He groaned in pain and went back to crying dry tears as his forehead pressed into the dirt road. "Y-You piece of shit... You fucking, foul-!" Dean slammed his fist into the ground and stood up on those knees digging into the rocks as he huffed, tearing his shirt open as he grabbed the angel blade he stole long ago. He was careful, peeling his own skin off, screaming in agony and despair. The anti-possession tattoo was tossed on the tallest pile of rotting bodies as Crowley chuckled. "Well, well, well... If it isn't the human who was purified." "Shut your face, Crowley...” Dean hissed through sharp and painful breaths. The exposed muscle was causing Dean quite the adrenaline rush, but the damage on parts of his body was too much to go through with killing Crowley. "G-Give me my wish, you-," Crowley raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "Why would I give you my title? The one I worked so hard to earn, boy?" Dean closed his eyes and shifted off of his knees to his feet. He was so close to death and yet there was no reaper willing to take him. Death was just watching from the distance and the two knew it. "If you aren't going to give it, then let me die." Dean spat at Crowley before sort of tumbling on him as Crowley held him up. "Dean, Dean, Dean... You can't just expect it to be that easy, do you? Ruling Hell is-." "Just give it or let me go. I'm not wasting my time with this." Dean pushed Crowley away, even falling flat on his ass as he huffed soon laying on his back. Crowley sighed and stared at Dean, squatting down as he stared at the short, silent breaths Dean was giving off. "I can't believe it took you boyfriend-." Crowley was almost dead, falling on his own ass and backing up from Dean and the angel blade that barely nicked the demon king's throat. Crowley was genuinely shocked and sighed, giving a groan and rolling those eyes of his as he crawled back to Dean. "Fine, I'll give it to you, but under one condition..." Dean opened his eyes for the last time, nodding at the faint words he would never forget. Death closed his eyes and turned away as the bells tolled the hour, the witching hour that would be broadcasted all through heaven's radio: Dean Winchester is hunting Angels and can never be saved again.

Sam gasped and sat up, whipping his head around fast enough to fall out of the smaller sized bed and right on the hard wood floor. The young hunter was confused, checking his body seeing his old, but healed scars. He swallowed hard and carefully traced a finger from his collar bone down to the third rib and a bit towards the left. He could feel the tender scar tissue as he whimpered, tracing the precise stab wound. A simple, yet deadly circle that pierced right through his heart as he huffed and scampered to his feet and right into this personal bathroom in the bunker. the shirt was lifted as he examined the wound, seeing how tender it was; knowing that it was fresh, and yet it wasn't. The man dropped his shirt and stared down at the sink, seeing the dried bloodstains that would glare back at him, forever embedded into the porcelain. "But I died...?" "That you did, Sammy." The hair whipped to stare at Dean, those black eyes staring right into Sam's soul, but the saddened expression on Dean's face gave Sam's fear a complex mix of comfort and security. "Dean... You..." "Don't worry about me, Sammy. I'm not going to hunt humans, hell no demons are hunting humans..." Sam was confounded by such a statement, glaring back at Dean. "But how..?" Dean smiled and shook his head, those green eyes staring back at Sam as the tears welled up. "I command them all. They have no choice. Crowley can't even leave hell unless I give him permission myself." Sam nodded; giving that hard swallow again as he stared at his brother's ragged clothes he was wearing. "Dean, I had no idea..." "I know you didn't. I didn't even think that was possible, but...." Sam kept his distance from Dean, but hesitantly followed his brother. Dean was walking around freely in the bunker seeming to be within a trance caused by nostalgia and fond reminiscences of peace in their dysfunctional lives. "Dean, You are the king of hell...?" The elder brother nodded and sighed, turning to Sam. He put his hand on his brother's shoulder before pulling him in a hug. "There's a war going on, and at the moment I'm collecting the dead..." "Dean, you can't-!" "..and after I kill him, I'm going to make sure the balance in the world is put back." Dean moved back and stared at Sam, giving that smile that always made Sam's heart twinge in pain. "Heaven will be restored, god will be back, and you don't have to live in this nightmare anymore." "Goddamnit Dean, what did you do?" Dean shook his head no, moving away from Sam. "Dean! You can't-!" "I have to Sam. If I let him live for another minute I get more and more infuriated." Dean turned back to Sam as his own brother jumped, those eyes black again. "He had a choice, and he knew it was the wrong one, but still killed you. Castiel will pay with his immortal soul for me to personally torment; to personally cripple and that feathery assed bitch will be the message for all the angels to never, and I mean never mess with humanity unless they want to get hell to revolt against them again." Sam was pinned against the wall. The way Dean spoke with such hell bent wrath full of his loathing passion for Castiel was powerful enough to keep Sam in place. Dean sighed and lifted a hand as Sam fell off the wall. "I have to go... I don't want to hurt you after bringing you back to life." "D-Dean...” Sam gasped and attempted to crawl after his brother only to lay on the floor unconscious for a nice few days; regaining the strength he had lost.

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