Reflections (Shingeki No Kyojin / Attack On Titan One Shot)

Hey there! So I got this idea from a tumblr post I saw, so credit goes to them. A trigger warning for those who are sensitive to violence and self harm, but otherwise, I hope you enjoy this little one shot I wrote about an anime i adore :) Thank you to @Abyss-of-crazy for the cover. Comments and votes are always appreciated. I'd love to hear what you think.

Thanks for reading!

Nix

Laughter. Triumph. Food. Endless supplies of wine and beer. The ecstatic atmosphere of victory and bliss. Eren Jaeger was within it all, feeling oddly out of place among the festivity as he sat on a bench in the corner, pulling uncomfortably at the collar of his best shirt. His forest green eyes scanned the hall the king had prepared for the victory banquet. Every single person was smiling, relief and true happiness radiating from every ounce of them. Humanity had won. The terrifying beasts that had plagued the planet had been wiped out after so many years of living in fear. Living on the run.

So why did Eren feel like he'd lost? So many people had lost their lives in this long battle to freedom. He'd started at only 15, now being in his mid 20's, so much had changed.

Half the people he'd begun this journey with were gone. The people he had held so dear had all suffered. Everyone in this room had been through hell and it seemed to Eren that he was the only one that was remembering that right now. But who could blame them? Let them drink and dance the night away. Let them forget the gigantic beasts that had consumed almost all mankind. They deserved that much. They could move forward now.

Eren stared blankly at the floor, the music from instruments he was unfamiliar with pounding through his head as he downed the rest of the beer in his glass, setting it roughly to the side.

It was over. It was finally done.

"Eren?" A soft voice interrupted him from his thoughts. He let his gaze move up, acknowledging Mikasa. The woman who'd been his rock through all this. The woman he'd known since he was a child. They'd saved each other so many times...there was no doubt he owed his life to her.

The beautiful Japanese-American was in a close fit scarlet dress, the scarf he had given her when they first met draped loosely around her shoulders for warmth.

"Hey Mikasa." He murmured quietly, with which she responded with a warm, yet concerned smile.

"Why don't you join Armin and I for a drink?"

Eren simply shook his head.

"No thanks."

A small frown crossed her face as she studied his expression. She was worried about him. He knew her well enough to know that, so he mustered the best smile he could manage.

"I'm fine, Mikasa. I just...have a lot on my mind. I'm not really in the festive mood. You go have fun."

Mikasa narrowed her eyes at him, obviously not buying it but deciding to let it go for now.

"Alright." She said, leaning to kiss his cheek lightly.

"Come find us if you change your mind."

"I will." Eren assured her, and with that, she headed off, joining Armin and Jean in dancing, a happy grin on her features as she moved in time to the music.

With Mikasa pre-occupied, Eren took his chance to slip away to the bathroom. He had to get away from the constant buzzing of activity in that hallway.

Eren had disappeared for a long time. Captain Levi, who had been watching from a quieter section of the hall had noticed him sneak away, and when Eren didn't return for a while, he began to worry. His strange behavior hadn't gone unnoticed.

Levi crossed the hallway to stand outside the bathroom. He knocked sharply three times.

No reply.

Levi knocked again.

Still silence.

"Oi...Eren..."

Eren heard the Captain's calls, but he chose to ignore them. He wanted to be alone.

Eren stood up, catching slight of himself in the reflection of the window.

What stared back at him was not what he wanted to see.

He didn't see his human self. What he saw was a monster.

The deranged face of his titan form staring straight back at him. Taunting him.

The creature he could become at a moments notice.

The thing he was forced to be.

A heavy wave of nausea washed over Eren.

He didn't want to look at it.

He knew what he was and it tortured him every day

With a swift punch forward, Eren shattered the glass, ignoring the sharp pain in his hand as hot tears of anger and misery fell down his face.

He had spent half his life fighting and protecting everything he loved against the very thing he was.

Levi, having heard the glass break, had called Mikasa and Armin over, his knocks becoming more urgent.

"Eren! Answer me!"

No answer came.

Two more voices joined in the calls, desperation and fear tainting their voices.

"Eren! Please!"

Eren knew that Mikasa and Armin were crying. He knew that they knew something wasn't right. He knew that it was something that would happen, and he knew that it was something that couldn't be helped.

They would forgive him in time.

There was a heavier banging on the door now.

Levi was trying to kick the door in.

This had to be done now.

Or it never would.

The world would be truly free of the titans.

With a trembling and bloody hand, Eren reached for a piece of the broken glass, his voice thick with tears and he brought the jagged shard up to his jugular and began to drag it across his neck, his best shirt now stained red as the ruby river began to flow from him. He welcomed the dull pain as he uttered his final words.

"Every.... last...one of them."