LOVE WITHOUT SLEEP

THE CHAPTER 24

At that very moment, I was trapped. Not knowing what to do, and only responding with my lips. I closed my eyes, tasting the cigarettes and alcohol on his...my mind completely shut off and there wasn't a single coherent thought in my brain. Matty backed me up against the wall, lifting my blouse over my head and his own following. I ran my hands along every inch of his back, hard at breathing as the kiss grew rougher, harder, and faster.

As he freed my lips to move onto my neck I wrapped my arms around his, suddenly able to think again. I grew nearly breathless, finding it hard to stop him...for every move he made and every feel of his touch against my body was truthfully pleasing.

"Matty..." I breathed out softly, holding back a moan.

His hands trailed up to my back, tugging on the strap of my bra. I stood up straight, coming to my senses, "Matty..." I repeated.

He unhooked my bra, still kissing at my neck. "We can't..." I said, grabbing for the back of my bra and struggling to hook it back together. He didn't budge one bit, and to my assumptions he was still drunk or either didn't care what I had to say. "Matty, stop." I pushed him off gently, both of us staring at one another in confusion.

"I'm sorry..." he said , his voice lost and tired.

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair and shaking all the stress from it. I reached down for my blouse, covering my breasts with it as my bra slid down my shoulders.

"Can I be alone to change please?" I asked, suddenly my entire body began to feel hot, beads of sweat along every inch of me and my mind so weak I tore myself down. How could you do this? How could you let this happen? You're the worst.

"Yeah...yeah, right." He grabbed his shirt as well, hurrying out of the room. I watched him go before shutting the door...stiff, as I felt as though I no longer knew who I was or what happened to myself within the fifteen seconds or more I'd been intrigued with Matty's touch. I quickly grabbed George's shirt from the bed and put it on, tying my hair up and wiping my eyes which grew watery.

I jumped at the knock on the door, pausing where I stood and staring at it before throwing my blouse and bra on the bed. I walked over to the door slowly, not wanting him back in the room, not trusting myself nor him...due to the choices we'd made in the heat of moment. I opened the door, standing between it and it's frame.

"Look, uh, I just wanted to say I'm sorry--"

"You already did." I added quickly to get him out.

"Well, I mean sorry for going on when you said we couldn't, it was stupid of me."

"It was. I accept your apology." I attempted to close the door quickly, only to be stopped by his foot in front of it.

"I think its best if we don't tell George about this..." he said, "we can keep it between us and it will never happen again..." he continued.

"If he asks I won't lie." I said.

"He wouldn't ask, would he?"

"He already asked me today if me and you slept together for reasons I wish not to share. I can't do any of this anymore. I can't be around the both of you." I said.

"Why do you think I left earlier? Neither can I, around the both of you... but now ask yourself is it because of me or because of you? You feel something for me and you just wont admit it." He said.

"No." I shook my head.

"You do, say it." He urged.

"No." I repeated, letting go of the door and crossing my arms.

"Then why'd you kiss me back?" He asked.

"Did you do this just to see if I would?" I asked, coming into realization with his cheap trick and mind game.

"Of course not, Jude I spent the entire time before you came thinking of how much I wanted to kiss you before you let me down easy at the hospital and knowing I couldn't just drove me mad and by impulse I just did and I feel selfish for it but I just couldn't help it--"

"I'm going to bed and I want you out, please." I said, turning my back to him and heading to the bed.

"Hiding the way you feel wont make the feelings go away." He said.

"Why are you doing this to me?! Can you just go?! Can you get the fuck out of here and let me go to bed?! Can you stop saying shit to me to make me crack?! You're destroying me and its like you're enjoying every last bit of it, you're such a pig!" I cried.

"I just want to know the truth!" He snapped.

"You wanna know the truth?!" I turned around quickly, "you wanna know the truth?!"

"Tell it to me you don't mind holding anything else back so why not?!"

"I hate you! I hate you so much I wish I never fucking met you, you're the biggest dick I've ever known and the worst excuse of a friend! You're a self-absorbed ass!" I shouted.

"Oh really?" His sarcastic tone made me want to punch him.

"Really." I rolled my eyes.

"You mean that?" He went on.

"Every bit of it." So did I.

"I don't believe a single word you just said." He walked out of the room.

I rolled my eyes, heading into bed and shutting off the light. I turned to my side, wrapping myself in the blankets and being reminded of George by the scent on the shirt I was in. I knew I'd fucked up, and that at anytime the truth could come out...and the truth scared me.

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The morning was dreadful, silently walking passed Matty after last night was awkward alone...but to ask one another if they wanted tea while I made it, and breakfast while he made it was even worse. Both answers being no to avoid further questions... though obvious yeses at thought. George walked through the front door, and to my surprise I wasn't as happy as I imagined I'd be to see him...

The guilt of last night taking over and not wanting to do a single thing but hide. I went over to him, kissing him softly on the lips and wrapping my arms around his neck, "how are you feeling?" I asked.

"Good, I was feeling good last night but they wouldn't let me go." He rolled his eyes, placing his hand at the small of my back, "I wish I could see those fucking dicks who did this again..." he said.

"Don't go looking for them...stay out of trouble." I pressed my lips against his once more.

Matty came walking out of the bedroom, looking away at what I knew was an awkward sight for him.

"Hey, how're you feeling?" Matty asked.

I let go of George, pushing my hair out of my face and taking a seat at the table. I continued my tea, figuring I'd give them time to talk to one another...though unnecessary as George damn near ignored him, "good." He said flatly, walking off into the bedroom.

Matty watched him go, then looking at me for explanation. I shrugged slowly.