Rincewind is one of those people who gets in the way of his own happiness. If it was raining kisses he'd be the only person with an umbrella. -- (Terry Pratchett, CIX Pratchett Conference)
The calender of the Theocracy of Muntab counts down, not up. No-one knows why, but it might not be a good idea to hang around and find out. -- (Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters)
Until an unfortunate axe incident, Gloria had been captain of the school basketball team. -- (Terry Pratchett, Soul Music)
Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four. -- (Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times)
If the Creator had said, "Let there be light" in Ankh-Morpork, he'd have gotten no further because of all the people saying "What colour?" -- (Terry Pratchett, Men At Arms)
From the back, Vetinari looked like a carnivorous flamingo. -- (Terry Pratchett, Men At Arms)
The man gave a shrug which indicated that, although the world did indeed have many problems, this was one of them that was not his. -- (Terry Pratchett, Soul Music)
"Scum," said Crash, his voice low with resigned menace, "you've bought a leopard, haven't you?" -- (Terry Pratchett, Soul Music)
"Of course, just because we've heard a spine-chilling, blood-curdling scream of the sort to make your very marrow freeze in your bones doesn't automatically mean there's anything wrong." -- (Terry Pratchett, Soul Music)
Cuddy had only been a guard for a few days, but already he had absorbed one important and basic fact: it is almost impossible for anyone to be in a street without breaking the law. -- (Terry Pratchett, Men At Arms)
After the stampede the artist Three Solid Frogs got to his feet, retrieved his brush from his nostril, pulled his easel out of a tree, and tried to think placid thoughts. -- (Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times)
The Battle of Koom Valley is the only one known to history where both sides ambushed each other. -- (Terry Pratchett, Men At Arms)
A true beanie should have a propellor on the top. -- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)
This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic. -- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)
Just because it's not nice doesn't mean it's not miraculous. -- (Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times)
++?????++ Out of Cheese Error. Redo From Start. -- (Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times)
"Luck is my middle name," said Rincewind, indistinctly. "Mind you, my first name is Bad." -- (Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times)
Natural selection saw to it that professional heroes who at a crucial moment tended to ask themselves questions like "What is my purpose in life?" very quickly lacked both. -- (Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times)
"Stercus, stercus, stercus, moriturus sum." -- (Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times)
The Emperor had all the qualifications for a corpse except, as it were, the most vital one. -- (Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times)
"I know about people who talk about suffering for the common good. It's never bloody them! When you hear a man shouting "Forward, brave comrades!" you'll see he's the one behind the bloody big rock and the one wearing the only really arrow-proof helmet!" -- Rincewind gives a speech on politics. (Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times)
Many an ancient lord's last words had been, "You can't kill me because I've got magic aaargh." -- Magic armour is not all it's cracked up to be. (Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times)
