Unplugged | d.s (2) ✔︎

XXII // Anti - Depressants

"What are you doing here Daniel?" I asked. He pulls his hands out from his jean pockets and stands tall. 

"Noah. I missed you," He says. I look into his blue eyes. They felt grey tonight, something took away his aqua glimmer. "Can we talk?"

"Let's walk. I have no idea what Nate would do if he found you," I imply accepting his wish to talk. He nods and places his hands back into his pockets. He begins following me as we walk back to the path I take when I run. 

"You remember when Jack sprinted down here and slipped on dog shit?" He says breaking the silence I was getting used to. I hide my light smile by looking up at the moon. 

I felt his glance follow mine. "I definitely missed the night sky. It is way better here than in LA. I was thinking of getting a tattoo of a crescent moon and a star."

"Oh, really where?" I asked him. I turn to him as he points to his inner forearm. I nod my head saying it was a good place. 

Then we fall back into silence. What was there to talk about with Daniel? He knew I was still and always going to be upset about his actions. How could I be friends with him when he broke me like that? What would he do? Find his way to glue me together? Because so far that seems quite impossible. 

"I never had a day where you weren't in my thoughts Noah." He stops his steps as we reach the waterfall we not so long ago swam in. I turn towards the boy standing beside me. He was nervous, I could see it in the way he was slouching and staring at his pockets that held his hands. 

"You want me to forgive you, Dani?" I ask. He looks away from his denim pants and looks up at me. He pulls his hands out his pocket and moves my hair out of my face. 

"You haven't called me Dani since -"

"You and Kelsey?" I asked. He sighs loud enough for the owls to hear. He moves away from me slowly and sits on the floor by the waterfall. Why was he upset? Do I not have more of a right to be? 

"The day you left was the worse day of my life Noah. I lost it when Corbyn placed his lips on yours. I just wanted to yell she is mine Corbyn back off. Yet I knew now I couldn't call you mine. It sucked to have you out of my arms and when I felt down I could no longer call you. I had trouble sleeping for days on end. I was covered with guilt but every day I thought about how I wanted you. Yet I knew you didn't want me," He explains his feelings since I had left. I sit down beside him. 

"You think I didn't miss you? Cause I did. I wanted to call you. I wanted you to call me yours and call me when you were upset. Daniel, I loved you. I saw us in places people thought we would never end up. But clearly, you didn't," I say. Daniel's hand moves slowly onto my leg. His hand resting on my thigh. And I didn't move it. My brain screamed at me to flick it off yet it sat there. Still. 

"Loved huh? I saw us their too Nugget. I just wish I had been in the right head space to ask you before taking actions into my own hands. I am sorry Noah. Every second of my days without you I wrote it down in a journal. Trying to see if it could help me. But no one or nothing can help me to get over you."

"So you didn't succeed?" I asked. He shook his head. I smiled along with him. His eyes stared into mine. "Daniel. When we first had our real conversation do you remember what I blurted out?" I asked randomly. 

He laughs and thinks. "I had pretty eyes?"  He asked. I nodded. 

"Yeah. Yeah, you do." 

☾☾

I woke up later than normal on the bay window upstairs with my feet on top of Daniel's legs. Nate had walked passed and ignored the fact that Daniel stepped into the house without going through him and a few punches. 

"You wrote this?" Daniel asked as he sat on the end of the bay window again with hot cocoa in his teacup. I sip down on my hot cocoa. He hums the lyrics, "It's hard to act like I don't think about you sometimes, I should win an Oscar."

"Shit. Noah this is really good. And you are sure we can use it?" He asked while reading the rest of the lyrics. 

"Yeah but it is unfinished," I explain. He looks up from the notepad and a smile grows on his face. "What?" I laugh. 

He smiles and leans over my legs resting on his. He brings his hand to my upper lip and wipes the cream off my face. I laugh along with him realising I grew a cream moustache. 

"What else you got?" He asks flipping the page of my notepad. I widen my eyes realising what laid in that notepad. The drawings of Daniel I randomly doodled when he sat writing songs in LA and other sketches. 

"Uh-"

"What are these?" He asks pulling one sketch out. I sigh and place the cup of hot cocoa on the window seal. "You sketched these?"

"You know I sketch?" 

"Yeah but never of me. Can I take this?" He asks. I look at the one he held and shrugged. He smiles and puts it on the floor beside his phone. 

"Noah," Norman mumbles as he walks towards me. I look to my brother who still walked on a slight lean. "Take your 2:00 pm pills," He says handing me my orange bottle of Anti - Depressants. 

I widen my eyes and take the bottle from my brother's cold hands. He walks off and I turn to face Daniel. Daniel raises his eyebrow and looks toward the bottle trying to read the words. "They are anti-depressants if you wanna know." 

Daniel looks a bit taken back by my words as he leans in closer to me. "Wait for what? Why?"

I sigh and place the bottle beside my hot cocoa, "Don't feel like it is you. But after Kelsey and you did that thing. It was like a trigger for my depression when I was younger to arise again and then I began to act out. My brothers did an intervention and believe it is what is best for me to stay smiling."

Daniel brings his hands onto mine, "I am so sorry." He looks upset. Like he had caused it. Yet it was equal. I understood his miss judgement when I was in the bathroom with Jonah that day. I see a tear slide down his rosy cheeks. I pull my hand away from his and wipe it. 

"Dani, I am fine."

"Nugget,"

"Yeah?"

"You replied," He smiled. I smile back, "I missed you." 

☾☾