A Place In This Life

Chapter 27

Alex took me straight home, where we sat in the car for a few minutes before I went in.

"Are you going to be okay tonight?" he asked, reaching again for my hand. I let him have it. He was a hands-on guy.

"I will. It helps to know I've got good friends," I said, running my fingers across his palm.

"I'd like to be more than a friend," he said with a smile. "But I'll take what I can get now. I'll be counting down the days."

I got out of the car before he could make another move, but as I walked away he rolled down his window.

"Nally... I'll be here for you if you need me before then."

It was hard not to give him a little smile, something that said "ahhh, yes." My body was saying yes. My heart was saying maybe. My mind, however, was screaming NO.

In the house, my mother quizzed me on how it went, to make sure I was sane and that Alex had been kind to me. I assured her that all was well, and that the outing did me some good before escaping to my room to lay down on the clean sheets.

A wandering mind is a dangerous thing. I needed to find out once and for all — I needed to close up this wound. But I fought back.

What do you mean I have to see him? He doesn't want to see me.

Go to him.

My inner fight had quite a drive, taking me to places where I felt extreme discomfort, and the thought of going to see Todd felt very, very uncomfortable.

Just go... once. Then you will know.

Shit. Okay. I will. And then you will leave me alone?

Yes.

Good, I had made an agreement with myself, and then thought that I must be mad. It seemed natural to talk to Natalie, or at least the part of me that enjoyed the pursuit.

When would I go to Todd's? What would I tell my mother, to get her to loan me the car? I could take the bus, but that wouldn't allow for a fast getaway.

Get the Bomba and go in the afternoon, promising to run a few errands. That'll be your cover while you go to Newport.

My inner fight had all the answers, especially the ones I couldn't say no to.

/////

My mom took the bait and loaned me the Bomba for the afternoon, as long as I picked up a few things at the store. I told her I was taking Cara out shopping because we always took her car. It sounded like something real, and because I had been so mental, my mother was willing to do whatever it took to get me back to normal.

"Just be home by six — I'm making enchiladas, so don't forget to go to the store. Here's a list," she said while also handing me the keys and $20.

"Thanks, mom. It feels good to just go out and do something normal," I said, pushing the "getting back to normal" part.

On the road, I plotted my strategy to get Todd alone, where I could talk to him and hopefully make him see that he needed medical help and that I should be the one to help him get it. It was an over-the-top expectation, but I had to try.

The warm August afternoon was dampened by a summer fog that rolled over the PCH. It seemed natural to take the coast instead of the freeway — a way to prolong the drive and allow me to think more about what the hell I was doing.

As I traveled down Lido Isle, I began to feel extreme nausea, like I would lose it before I even got to Todd's. I decided to park the Bomba two blocks away and walk, giving me one last chance to clear my stuffed head.