This Girl

Chapter 50: You Are What You Wear

The door unlocks again two hours later. Judging by the quietness of the house - it's obviously Alex. I walk to my door, shutting it and locking it before walking back to my bed. 

I can hear his footsteps as he softly walks up the stairs. I cover my mouth with my left hand to muffle the sob. I take a deep breath when I hear him close the door. 

I wipe my hands over my eyes. Stupid feelings. 

There are two reasons I cannot. Will not be with him. The first is that I'm scared about what will happen when we have to go away to college. Will we just leave, never to see each other again? Better wash away the pain now and not later. 

The second reason is that he's way too good for me. He's cocky and annoying sometimes. But that doesn't stop me from loving him. Nothing ever will. I'm way out of his league. And if something actually did happen he'd probably end up hating me and dumping me. 

So I better reject him while I still can. 

I lie back down on my bed, letting one final sob out before picking up my book. I have three rocks in my life. One's Adele and Bubbles. The second is Alex. The third is books. Since I don't feel like talking, I'll just pour my sorrows into a book. 

It really doesn't help that I'm reading 'The Notebook' which only makes me cry harder. I decide to go take a shower. I turn the water on and step in. 

I let the warm water run over my face and I wash my hair while I'm at it. I step into my sweatpants and throw on a baggy NBA hoodie. 

I collapse onto my bed and pull my phone over to me. I turn it on and am faced with my lock screen. 

His face smiles back at me and I have to cover my mouth to muffle the sob. I unlock my screen and see the cute picture of him. His face is reluctant and he's about to grin. I quickly click into my Instagram and see a post from Alex's feed. It's of me, standing on top of the rock. It was posted five hours ago. Another sob escapes and I shut my phone off and cry myself to sleep.

***

Alex's POV

I shut the door quietly, hoping she doesn't hear me come in. I move over to my bed and collapse on top of it. 

I put my hands over my eyes and close them. All I can see is her crying face. The bittersweet feeling of her hand on my cheek, of her lips on mine. I let out a quiet groan. 

Why was she crying? Was it because we're just friends and she didn't think anything of it? And she was shocked? Maybe I physically hurt her. Maybe she's been told to stay away from me.

Hang on a minute. 

"Amanda," I whisper. I jump up and grab my phone. I unlock it, my heart skipping two as I look at her smiling face on both of my backgrounds. 

I log into Instagram and unblock my ex-girlfriend. 

What did you say to Nat?

Her reply comes almost instantly. 

Uhm... I didn't

Yeah, right. 

I swear I didn't.

I doubt it. 

Seriously. Did you make a move or something?

I hesitate before replying. 

Yes. 

Why?

Why not?