Lyona was running. Thunder clapped above, the rain fell in sheets, soaking her through. Rain mixed with tears and cascaded down her pale face, and the wind blew loose clumps of hair into her eyes, obscuring her view. Her legs burned, but she hardly felt it. She was only aware of anger and grief. She had never run so far before. She was on the edge of the forest now. They had been driving through the forest only a few hours ago – happy, Lyona supposed. It was hard to think about happy now. She was trying not to think about anything but the rain and her legs burning, the sound of her feet meeting and detaching from the wet ground. But she couldn't help it. Her mind flew back to the dreadful moment that might have been hours or minutes ago…
They were in the car returning from their first trip as a family. Lyona was still upset by the suddenness of her father's marriage. Her stepmother seemed nice, but she was withdrawn, so it was hard to tell. Lyona sat in the back seat behind her new mum frowning at the seat head and trying to put events into context. It'd been so fast, at least to her. She knew a term was a long time, but to get engaged? She didn't think it was enough time. Her father might know the woman, but she wanted to know her too, before they got married. She didn't want a new mum now, not so fast. She had just gotten back from boarding school and was looking forward to Christmas with her dad, only her dad. But when she got off the train it had not been her dad alone that greeted her on the platform. A woman had been there too, the woman who was now her mother. It had all happened so quickly. She had come back from school then there had been a wedding and now she was sitting behind the complete stranger who was now her mother, as they drove she thought of this. She tried not to hate the woman sitting in front of her. But she did. An image of the future was forming in her head. Her father devoting himself to the pretty blonde with her horrid upturned nose he spending less time with his own daughter, while he tried to please the expensive looking woman and got dragged into debt until she dumped him and moved to find another money bag to fund her unnecessary desires leaving Lyona and her father penniless.
Then there was the crash. Lyona had been reflecting and hating and trying not to hate and then there was just noise and metal. She reacted with pure instinct. She braced as the car came to a sudden stop. She was unaware of anything but her heart pumping and the adrenaline surging through her. She undid her seatbelt and climbed to the front.
"Dad!" she cried reaching for the body in the drivers seat. She touched him, but he didn't move.
"Daddy!" she felt like a small child, though she was nearly fourteen. She looked down his chest a sheet of metal had been pushed almost right through it. She knew no one could survive that, but she didn't want to believe it. She looked at his familiar strong and kind face. It was pale, the strength drained. His eyes were wide open in death. Tears poured down her face.
"Lyona?" the voice was not her father. She turned and looked. Her stepmother was struggling with the seat belt. Anger surged. 'It's her fault,' the thought jumped at her, 'it must be.' She almost struck the woman's terrified face. But she wasn't that overcome by anger. She struck the window with a force that would not have been possible under normal circumstances. The window cracked, another strike and it fell. Lyona scrambled out ignoring the cuts and bruises. She tumbled to the ground and was up and running in an instant, anger and adrenaline powering her.
And now she was running still. She stumbled over roots and almost hit into trees, but she kept on going until her anger and pain could sustain her no longer. She tripped over and lay on the ground without the energy to get up. All the anger was gone. Now there was only grief and pain. The rain had stopped, but she hardly noticed. She rolled on her back and stared at the canopy. She stared at a single leaf not seeing the world around her as the clouds parted letting the sun glimmer through for the little that remained of the dying day. She stared as the stars came out and the moon shone upon the land. She stared as the night creatures came out and lived their simple lives. A centipede crawled across her chest and she wondered how the world could go on while she was in such pain. She wondered how things could keeping living and the moon could keep shining when a life had been so unfairly taken.
"I have lived through others pain" the words slipped out of her mouth without going through conscious thought. She closed her eyes, her mind finally functioning to a level of thought not filled with anger and pain. She saw her fathers face clear in her mind, he was laughing his strong face creased in lines of joy. Alive and warm. Lyona smiled. She knew he wouldn't have married her stepmother unless he loved her. She knew she should love her too. He would want her to look after her stepmother. He would want Leanne to be safe, Lyona though the woman's name for the first time without hatred or jealousy.
But Lyona wouldn't look after her. She was too tired. She wanted her dad. Leanne had been well enough last time she'd seen her in any case. 'Daddy,' she thought 'I want to be with you.'
Lying on the earthly ground of the small forest on the edge of her hometown, Lyona slipped from the world of the living.
She drifted through the blackness that was between this world and the next. There was no pain. No horror. She was going to her dad and she was happy.
"But I am not happy that you come here so willingly," the voice was her fathers.
"Why?" her voice sounded small in the dark place.
"I love you Lyona, but this place is not for one with so much life left. I love Leanne and you cannot leave her alone in the world. Love her as you love me. Go back."
She did not have time to respond, nor would she have known how to. At that moment a jolt from the body she had almost left brought her back suddenly to the living world.
Her eyes opened seeing stark white and she gasped. Her senses were flooded with smells and sounds. There was beeping and the sound of people, though she couldn't make out what they were saying. There was the smell of antiseptic. She could feel a bed beneath her. Her eyes took the longest to adjust and she heard Leanne before she saw her.
"Lyona, are you ok?" her pale, weak face came into focus. She had small cuts, but otherwise seemed uninjured.
It took a while for Lyona to find the words but finally she spoke,
"I'm ok. Just… Sorry," her throat felt dry and her tongue heavy. She couldn't continue. She fell into a fit of coughing. But through the pain and grief Lyona knew that she had a mother who cared for her and a father who still loved her, wherever he was. She knew life was worth living.
