Shattered glass

Chapter one

Part 1 of chapter 1( 2 to 3 parts )

I slowly brushed away from my drunk monster of a father, No closer! I hissed but the words never seemed to reach my mouth, day by day had he hit me, slapped, or hurt me, I was tired of hoping he'd stop or be discovered, I was tired, so tired of even giving a Damn, whether he yelled or abused me, it was all the same, I'd given away my hope and couldn't retrieve it, my only emotions left were sadness and an enmity space where my heart should have been.

He took me by my lose collar, clenching it, choking it, leaving me hopeless, I was no match for him, strong Muscle arms and large slender hands, my long hair tangle and brown, my eyes shifting to the floor, no emotion seemed to show upon my bruised face, a steady heart beat, like a beating drum, made life worth living, but my life was not one I'd chosen, not by God nor death it was mother, a cruel woman, a murder she was, she was once perfect, once kind and caring and never could let any rude remark get to her, she changed, how, how was a mystery to her only family who now look away shaking their heads in a truly sad yet hateful manner.

I was not one to be noticed, like a background image, there for no reason just to fit, to fit and simply to fit and nothing else, a no one was what I called myself, a leftover for later.

Father gave a loud clap, like thunder, ' gh, In gatful ki..d ' He managed through his drunken words, words that have me a sense of laughter but I'd keep to myself, not a peep, or squeak,  noise dare not mutter from my mouth, not a single breath.

He stood drunk, simply I starred waiting, waiting for a pain to stretch across my fragile body, but not a touch reached me, not a single finger, opening my eyes not realizing I'd ever closed them I looked around, not a person was in sight, my mind flutteres, never, not once, had I'd gone with out a hit to my face, body, it was as if he'd just disappeared.

I gave in to my curiousness, wondering, wondering far beyond myself to where father maybe... had gone and just maybe, just maybe my life would change, change for the better but I'd wondered to far and was lost, it was time to wonder back to reality to find where he had gone, to understand were he'd left this world and maybe a bit of hope was returning.

The answers I would seek were not a chose but a need, a need to now way I was tortured, tortured every day, every hour, every moment he returned, a need to understand why I was joke, a toy, an object to him, I so wanted to know what he was thinking, why, why he made my life hell and had to kill the real me to murder my hope, to hurt me emotionless, to the point his words became a weapon and his fists like a gun and lastly he like a deadly bear.

I wonder what had I'd done to become like an animal to him, was I not good enough, did he hate me, was I a burden to his lively being.

But my hope was returning and yet I was unsure if it was really hope I felt.

I had not known of feelings until I came face to face with father, or rather, face to ground, there father lay unmoving, not breathing, like a log in a lake, he simply lay like one and I could feel my emptiness lighten, was I truly... happy or rather instead sad?

My heart was no longer smooth it skipped and bet uncontrollably, my mind blankened I wish to be good however good isn't always good but he was my father, an abusive, rude one but he was a man dying.

I reached and touched something, the phone, the phone id never been allowed to use or touch, slowly I glided my hands among the bumpy surface and even slowlyer, I dialed...9...1....1...

" yes may I tackle your call, who is this, what is your Emergency? " a elder woman answered

"... um... my father... is um... dying... I think..... " I gave a small whimper, still I wonder why I would call for help when I'm the one who needed it.

" what is your name where do you live sweetie? "

" I, I'm Iis... Hansumi, um.... I live on ...Clarke Drive at ..3423... "

" ok the  paramedics are on their way "

I drop the phone, why would I call, why would I not say, not say all he's done what is left of me what I've become, why would I not even give a hint , clue or evidence, why was I so stupid to think, to think or care about him, could I still love him, care, why would I have a single thought on saving his sorry ass or even thinking I may love him, will my life change, change for ever, will I ever see to talk to him, have I ever seen him not drunk not abusive, but deep inside he was a man a true caring and kind man, but never, never ever will he be the same man, and never will I see the true him, never will I hope for his behalf, and yet, why did I call?

No I did not call for him, I have no feelings, never could I love him as a daughter should love her father and never will I know of what a caring parent is, I'll never have love for another, I called for me to understand in my own way, to know why I was a burden to him but now I know, I've changed for the better.

Part 2 of chapter 1