suicide

Numb

Have you ever just felt like screaming out for help?
Felt as if your drowning, struggling to breathe and no one notices?
Have you ever had the intention to cut yourself?
Standing in the bathroom, sleeves rolled up, razor blade in hand, silently crying so that nobody realises your not sitting with the family?

I have.

It's as though pain is the only escape from reality. The only other option to take.
The intention to cut yourself, means avoiding the emotional pain you feel.
Watching the blood pour down your arms, knowing that nobody is going to save you.

Because nobody cares do they?

You've tried asking for help before but all you got called was an attention seeking emo.

You tried going to your 'friends' but they thought it was just a joke.

You tried going to your mum but all she did was hit you.

All you wanted to do was tell someone how much pain your in. But it's not that simple when you don't know yourself.

All you want to be is that happy 10 year old. Climbing to the top of the tree, carefree, not a damn thing to worry about.

But that feels like a lifetime away when now all you want to do is die.

When all you want to do is disappear from the world.

Because no one is there for you anymore.

You've lost everything you have ever had.

You've had to move to the other side of the country, and lose contact with your friends.

But it's okay because they hate you now anyway.

Now all you do is sit in class not speaking.

And you can hear people talking about you.

Your social anxiety doesn't help one bit and your previously cut arms are burning to be sliced open again.

And it's then when you get home that you try and take your own life.

It's then and only then when people "care."

Now your only known as the depressed suicidal 15 year old girl who does everything she does for attention.

And it must be true, mustn't it?

Because that's all people call you.

But when it comes to next time, you won't be here to hear those words spoken about you.