» Il ne se passe pas de jours sans que je pense à vous et je ne peux pas oublier ce que vous faites«
»No daysgobywhenI'mnotthinking of you, andnowaycanIforgetthethingsyou do«
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August 10, 1995
DeVanté'sstate of mind
Twenty two days have passed, and not a single soul had found out the whereabouts of Carmen. At this point, DeVanté had given up all hope in finding her. 'Shemusthavebeenkilledbecauseofme.' He shamelessly thought countless times. The only memory he had of Carmen was Diane and the twins, whom he had Rozonda, Tionne, and Lisa take care of since he wasn't in the right state of mind. His drinking habits were dangerously high and the home had empty bottles of liquor all over the floor. There was no way that he could have taken proper care of his young children. And even though he felt that she was gone forever, he could still easily picture her wide smile in his mind. Yet, DeVanté hasn't been the same. His notebooks were filled with tears and scribbles words on the pages, mainly saying: 'It's all my fault!'. DeVanté yelled at whoever came into his sight and threatened to assault them with a weapon. In all, he was a wreck without her. He'd give anything to see her, to feel her touch, to hold her close and never let go. All he asked for, was his wife back. •
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• "Another nine hundred grand ladies!" Trevor exclaimed, throwing another stack of bills on the table. Everyone cheered and clinked their glasses together, everyone except me. Sure, the life around here was fun, and I've never been treated badly. Hell, Trevor actually stopped chaining me to chairs. But I still felt empty inside, though I'm not actually empty. In fact, I'm pregnant.
And before you assume, no, it isn't Trevor's baby. The only man I've had sex with for three years straight was DeVanté. The day the baby was conceived is still unknown to me. All I know is that I'm with child, and I plan on keeping it. So of course, I wasn't going to start drinking like crazy.
"Carmen, what's got you so down?" Trevor asked me, preparing to light a cigar. Oh I don't know. It's either you keeping me against my will, or forcing me to strip for money. Decisions, decisions. I refused to speak to him when he took me, and I damn well won't start speaking now. "So you're not going to answer me, huh?" He asked rhetorically, blowing a cloud of smoke from his lips.
