A/N in this chapter, Stella refers to a Joseph.. that is Joey's full name, Joey is just his pet name like Ally's full name is Alison, but everyone calls her Ally.The full names are used by the parents when they are stressed/worried/sad basically, when they are in 'parent mode'. Sorry for not making that clearer! xx
laughing and giggling, I fell through the front door and swiftly grabbed onto the doorframe as Josh’s body shaking with laughter collided into mine, I gripped onto the doorframe firmly to stop us both from collapsing onto the floor.
“Hmmph.” I looked up to see my mum standing in the hallway, she had her arms crossed and wore an expression of disgust “Get up. Get changed. And get in the living room. you have five minutes.” And with that she turned on her heel and marched into the living room.
I turned around to look at Josh but he wore the same expression of confusion and fear on his face too. He exhaled slowly and scratched at the back of his neck, “I guess we better go get changed then.” I nodded in his direction, my mind formulating a thousand possibilities of what could have happened in the last few hours to have put my mum in such a mood. Every single one of them included my brother being a selfish pig again.
Josh strolled off to his room and I could tell he was just as worried and scared as I was, breathing in and out deeply to calm myself I started stripping out of my wet clothes. I sighed as I looked at my shoes, they were a suede-ish material not designed for a teardrop let alone a rain storm, and they were going to be completely ruined by the morning. I don’t regret the beautiful night at all, especially not the dancing in the rain but I couldn’t help but a feel a little tinge of sadness because I was actually really fond of those shoes.
I got changed into some black baggy pyjama bottoms and a DBNO t-shirt, Josh had given me a few of my favourites from his clothing range to add to the collection of his that I was stealing- What? They were comfy! And put my hair roughly up into a bun on top of my head, removing my contact lenses I put my glasses on. I went to josh’s room to tell him I was going downstairs, he nodded and pulled me into a hug, “im staying right here okay, when your finished please come and see me, just so I know your okay.” I gave him a small smile and headed off downstairs to see what mum wanted to talk about.
I strolled into the living room and sat down on the armchair crossing my legs and a few moments later mum walked in, she took a seat on the sofa opposite me and sat staring at me. After a minute of her constant staring it was getting uncomfortable, “Um mum, what’s wrong?” I asked gently. Her head shot up and she looked at me with accusing eyes, “what’s wrong? Im wondering when my only daughter stopped caring about her only brother.” Joseph is in the hospital and your acting like you couldn’t care any less if you tried.”
I reminded myself not to laugh at her words, because they were shockingly accurate. “Well he doesn’t care about me anymore, and now the feeling is mutual” I replied. Her gaze turned into a glare and I could feel the intensity of her scrutiny, ignoring it I continued. “mum, he told me about what happened when he was gone, he was drinking away his sorrows and felt like he couldn’t talk about stuff to anyone. Granted it took five years and him nearly killing himself to realise it but he was talking to me, and I didn’t run away, I didn’t tell him he was wrong or anything yet he still decided for whatever reason that something wasn’t right and went partying. I get that it was hard but life is hard right? You just deal with it, not drink yourself silly every night.” I could hear my voice rising higher and higher as I was getting angry now, I wasn’t angry with mum, dad and I don’t even think it was directed towards Joey either, more his choices and the fact that he seems to be going through life without ever considering the outcomes of his stupidity.
I watched as the anger and the frustration fell from my mum’s face, in its place was a sad frightened woman, it saddened me to see my mum like that I got up from my armchair and sat next to her on the sofa, wrapping my arms around her I pulled her to me and within 30 seconds I felt her body rock as the tears and sadness let themselves out, spilling across her cheeks and soaking themselves into my tshirt. I hugged her closely and kissed her head, “He can’t deal with it Ally, my baby can’t deal with it. And I don’t know if I can deal with him and your dad too. im sorry hunny, but it’s just too hard.” I frowned as a tear rolled down my cheek it was devastating to hear my happy, squealing, positive peppy mum sound so broken. I hugged her closely, “maybe we are not the ones to deal with this mum. He addicted to his bottle and those awful cigarettes, he has a lot of thoughts and feelings going on in that head of his and issues that he needs help with too. Im not sure we can do the best job mum.” I said softly, after a long pause I finally felt her nod “I think your right hunny, I’ll make some calls tomorrow.”
It was only then whilst I was sat in the silence that I realised I hadn’t seen my dad at all, from what I knew of his condition his pills when taken properly could regulate his moods well enough so he wasn’t swinging from feeling ontop of the world to suicidal in a heartbeat. I also knew that often when there was a big shocker or something very traumatic it could send him into one of his episodes.“Mummy?” I whispered, the sound startled her and I felt her flinch slightly. “mmm?”
“Where’s dad? I haven’t seen him all day.” I asked, she sighed and then sat up, “he’s upstairs sweetie with David, im just giving them their space and David said he’ll come get me when he is finished.” I glanced at the clock reading midnight, David was my dad’s support worker, he was with the local crisis team and we were able to ring him if dad had any problems or we had questions. Their sessions were private, so we were often sent away to give them their space and I knew these sessions could often take hours. My mum had puffy red eyes, and there was bags under them, her skin was dull and she looked exhausted “mummy, go to my bed if you want. You can sleep there; I’ll text David and tell him to come find you in my room instead.” She looked at me confused and then smiled “im guessing you’ll be in the guest room then?” I blushed slightly before replying “I’ll keep the door open, I promise.” She laughed lightly, but I noticed that it didn’t quite reach her eyes the way her laugh usually does. Mum stood up and stretched her arms and we went upstairs. I texted David, then crawled into Josh’s bed. I smiled as he gently snored away, he was sleeping on his back with his right hand behind the back of his head, I watched the steady rise and fall of his chest as I tried to calm my mind down from the many many events of today. I brushed my lips against his cheek and then rested my head on his chest, drifting off to the sound of his heartbeat. Duh dum, duh dum, duh dum…
