I sashayed into the room, the sound of my black, 6 inch Jimmy Choos coming in contact with the tiled floor echoed through out the office. I had no idea where I was going, what I was looking for, or what I was getting myself into, but I knew for a fact that I would not fail him, for if I had failed him, I'd have failed me too.
Isaiah, the guardian of my soul had slipped up and now my life was on the line. My soul is out there somewhere roaming free with out me, Isaiah is in a recovery room, and I am in this narrow hallway of a room looking for...for...I'm not even sure yet. I get tired of Isaiah brushing my hair from my face and kissing my temple, then whispering in my ear, "Follow your heart", or "What you are looking for is where ever your heart leads you." I don't even know myself as well as Isaiah, so how could I be expected to know my heart? One day it will stop beating, with out my control..so how can I follow something so unreliable? How can I know for sure, that where this wretched thing is taking me, is the right place? Would my heart beep, as a metal detector sensing metal? Would it speed up or slow down as if playing "Hot or Cold"? I don't know, but I don't have time to think, time is not of the essence, time is my enemy. Search the drawers? Under the tattered desk? In the closet on the shelf? No, what I am looking for is not physical. What I am looking for is as easy to find as a needle in a hay stack and what I am looking for is equivalent to finding courage. Courage that I've never touched, smelt, tasted, nor heard. You don't know where to look, it's just born through you. Time was running out, and I was running out of options.
"PLEASE! PLEASE COME TO ME!" I shouted, "I can not find you as a broken heart can not find anesthetics to numb the pain! Find me, for I can not find you."
And there it was, it came from inside me as a smoke coming from a fire, but this smoke was blue. The energy rushed out of me as a raging river leading to a waterfall. I was overwhelmed with this new found sensation. I have what I need, but what do I do with it? All along what I was looking for was inside me. This all makes sense, for as the tarnished heart I have, it has always led me to me. Never seeking others for freedom from me. For help, for a haven, I always sought out me. Isaiah has always tried to change me, and now I see...that I still have not changed. One day I will change, for the better I suppose, but as of now, I am still the same person. I will take this to Isaiah, he will live, and we together, will get the last piece of me that is missing. So that we together will be complete.
