Why do you hate me so much?

Why do you hate me so much? Version 1

Notes:

Warnings: angst, self-harm, College AU

Pairing: Roman Reigns x Reader

Note: This has been requested on Tumblr- The request was: "Can it be a high school au? Where like roman and the reader are friends but she hears him tell his other friends it's a dare to be friends with them and other cry worthy things happen?" I had the approval to change it to a College AU and make it angsty to the max. And since I have no shame when it comes to outmost angst, I really enjoyed writing that one shoot (although I absolutely despise the Roman of that story), so thank you so much for requesting it. :-)

Note 2: Please note, that I have written a second and a third version of this story. The beginning and middle part is the same, but the ending differs. You can read Version 2 (suicide ending) and Version 3 (fluffy ending) if you look up the other parts of that series.

Originally published here: https://reignmyworld.tumblr.com/post/171105589811/why-do-you-hate-me-so-much-version-1-roman

College was never a place that you felt absolutely comfortable at. If you were honest that was something that had accompanied you ever since elementary school. It was not that you were a character people couldn't like but you somehow always had a hard time trusting people around you. It might have been that way because your family was not really a safe place, somewhere you could feel protected. Your mum loved you, you knew she did but since your father had left when you were still a baby, she had to work up to two or three jobs in order to pay the rent and bring you and herself through life. Most of the time you therefore were on your own, sticking rather to yourself than searching the company of other people. Of course you had some friends in kindergarten and you also had a few close people in elementary school as well as junior and senior high that you considered your friends but truth was that you were never one of those popular kids. You were rather introverted and while others would just chat random people up like it was nothing, you just couldn't do it. Something just stopped you from doing so, kind of held you back, resulting in you being one of those kids, that had to deal with bullies from time to time.

As years went by you somehow got used to it to just call a handful of people your friends and not to be invited to a lot of parties. You didn't even really miss that since you were not a huge fan of people gathering together but from time to time you found yourself wondering how it would be like to be a part of the more popular ones, those people that had a huge circle of friends, that were invited to every party taking place and those that were admired by other ones. It's not like you would have experienced something like that ever, but that didn't mean that you couldn't wonder. You nevertheless made it through junior and senior high quite alike and your good grades helped you to receive a scholarship for the college you always wanted to go to. What made you even happier than the scholarship itself was the pride on your mother's face when you told her. Besides that, you were beyond happy that you could finance it on your own and wouldn't rely on your mother's money.
Although your first few weeks at college had been rather bumpy, it nevertheless got easier. Your lectures were everything you had expected, contrary to your initial fear your roommate had become a pretty close friend and you had the feeling that people here were all in all more mature. You hadn't been exactly picked on during high school - or at least you tried to tell you that the bullying was not that bad - but with you being more introverted and less loud than other people around you, you heard a few dumb words here and there, but nothing that would have hurt you deep within. You just didn't fit in plain and simple. Actually it was more than that, but it was always easier for you to pretend that it didn't hurt you than to admit that it cut you like a knife on the inside.

Your first few months at college had been rather quiet. You considered your roommate the closest friend you had and although you had been chatting with a few of the quieter people here and there you only considered 2 or 3 of them your friends. But that was nothing you actually minded. You had gotten used to being alone mainly from an early age on and you rather preferred not being part of a group than to give in to the peer pressure they would certainly put on you so you would act more to their standards and liking than to your own. And although it could have been hard from time to time, you didn't break as you had no idea what you were missing out on. This however had changed a few weeks ago when your best friend convinced you to go to one of those college parties with her. Contrary to you she was rather popular, not exactly top cheerleader popular but at least she had a rather large circle of friends, she hung out with.