Notes

Eventually.

I have been alive long enough(not very long still, I understand) to know that eventually people will run out of nice things to say about you. Eventually people will get tired of complimenting you or asking how you are. Eventually people will stop caring whether you're there or not. And that even if you beg, they will not stay. Even if you beg, people will not stop. I've learned enough to understand that my pain will not stop. My pain is not temporary, and eventually people will get tired of hearing about it. People will stop caring and just get frustrated because why can't you just be okay? Why do you like to be in pain? Why do you like your problems? And I don't. I swear I don't. I didn't get to make the choice. If you wanted distance I would understand but I can't make my body stop hurting. I can't make my problems go away instantly. I can't just be okay. Temporary solutions don't help a permanent problem. Nothing helps a permanent problem. I taught myself and made myself never stop caring for people who couldn't help what they were given. Who just wanted to be okay. I told myself I'd never ever get tired of asking how people were or stop telling people I loved them and cared. Because I believe I'm here for that. I believe I'm here to care. I will stay for that purpose. I will never tell anybody about my pain and problems if I have to. But I will be happy. I will take what I want instead of begging. I will never beg for a single thing again. I will get it myself. I won't beg for people to waste time on me when they have their own life and purpose to fulfill. It is not their job to care for me. It is not their problem to keep. I am not their problem to keep. I've been taught enough to understand that anybody who would get frustrated with you over a hand you've been dealt that you can't set on the table and leave, aren't made to be in your life.