Attempted Poetry

All i ever do is try (not that it was enough)

Youre no longer worth a poem
But fuck, a month worth of pain bottled up
for one faithful night
Our 1,344th monthaversary
Well fuck it right...

I was faithful to you, always loyal
Even when we had our breaks for you to find yourself
I never felt the embrace of another
I never fell into arms that weren't yours

You smell like my future

I could never describe the beautiful scent you have
But god when we are apart its all i want to take in
I want to feel you course through my veins
And make me feel high when all i am is low

I cant write to save my life
but you make me want to scream my thoughts
I am an inexperienced writer looking for her inspiration
With all these words building up in my chest
I try to express them, i try... i try my very best

I could never poetically form my words
and express them in a magical way
I've lost the magic in my life anyway
I cant write poetry
But hell, i do try i must say

Fuck, dear god, fuck, this is turmoil
Why do I still have hope like I've had in the past
Where there is no chance for our future anymore

I am most certainly a hopless romantic
but this future of ours is hopeless

My heartstrings play a tune only you can dance to
My heartstrings... yes...
The strings you pulled...
That made me live the life of a puppet
Forget all reason
Forget that for my whole life
You have been poison who dressed up as a cure

A day like today that was supposed to be joyful...
Is so bleak...
All i want is your kiss and cuddles to fix it all

Fuck i wish i could write...
Express the emptiness within my head
But... i have no means of expressing myself...
I have no voice, and no energy to speak
Ive lost the one thing that kept me going

Im done, fuck I am so done
Is this a mental illness
or a self diagnosis
I fell too hard and hit my head
I just wish i got amnesia, not pyschosis

Fuck i dont care about how much it hurts anymore

Its all you
Even when I want to forget, i think of you more
I see the colour of my walls in my bedroom
And i picutre you trying to describe your favourite colour
Using these walls as the starting point of it all

A starting point.... Our starting point
It was white...
A blank page you coloured full of memories
A page i cant rip out ... because
If i try that, I wouldn't have a heart

Forgetting you is the last thing i want to do
I cant when i have you carved on my chest...
And I'm constantly picking and the wound

I am an an artist and you are my inspiration
Not for the artwork... but the means to continue living to create a means for the meaning...

My meaning in life

I cannot write... but I want to try...
I have no heart left to express
Only an empty chest
Eyes that blur all my surroundings and a sore throat, not only from choking in all my pain for an entire month, but your grip that wont loosen

Youre killing me by being so far away
Youre destroying me...
When all i tried to do was build you

I want to say i am mad... but i cant be
I cant write... but i try
I try and tell you i love you
But i cant hold you back
When all you want to do is leave