Ikinci şans (Second Chance): An ElBar Story

Ikinci şans (Second Chance)

"Sources have confirmed that Elçin Sangu, of Kiralık Aşk and Çarpişma fame, has become engaged to longtime love, Yunus Özdeken. They're rumored to be planning a winter wedding."

The report continued, but Bariş didn't hear anything else over the buzzing in his ears. He was frozen in place, staring blankly at the television, the words playing over and over again in his mind.

"Sources have confirmed that Elçin Sangu, of Kiralık Aşk and Çarpişma fame, has become engaged to longtime love, Yunus Özdeken. They're rumored to be planning a winter wedding."

"Elçin Sangu...has become engaged to longtime love, Yunus Özdeken...winter wedding."

"Elçin...engaged...winter wedding."

Bariş shook his head, trying to get the words out of his head. Wanting desperately to have never heard them. Wanting desperately for them to not be true. Elçin was getting married?

"Are you serious right now?"

Bariş looked up to see Gupse staring at him, hurt & anger in her eyes.

He shook his head again to clear it.

"What?"

"You still love her." The words were said accusingly.

The denial was automatic.

"I don't love Elçin." It came out weak and unconvincing even to his ears.

Gupse let out a disbelieving laugh.

"Is that why you knew exactly who I was talking about? Is that why your entire body went stiff when you heard her name? Why you stopped talking mid-sentence at just the sound of her name? Or is that why you haven't heard a word I've said to you in the past 20 mins since you heard she was getting married?" Her voice had risen with each question, growing more and more hysterical.

Bariş opened his mouth to deny it but it felt wrong. He'd denied it for so long. The crushing pain in his chest told him he'd denied it for too long.

"I'm sorry." It was all he could say.

Gupse let out a strangled sob.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't listen to my instincts two years ago. I'm sorry that I let you convince me that what you felt for her was just the confusion of filming for so long. And I'm sorry that I wasted the last two years of my life with a man who I knew, deep down, was no longer in love with me. Because he was in love with someone else. That's what I'm sorry about."

Bariş couldn't say anything. She was right. Everything she was saying was right.

He'd fallen in love with Elçin while filming their show. And instead of acting on his feelings, he'd convinced himself he was still in love with Gupse. But he'd never stopped thinking about Elçin.

The way she smiled, the way she'd smelled, how her hair felt in his hands, how she fit perfectly in his arms. He'd loved her, and he had been sure she'd fallen in love with him too. But they never said a word to each other. They'd been in relationships with other people and it had been wrong. But somehow still, nothing had ever felt more right.

He stood by silently watching Gupse pack. The was nothing to say. Their relationship had been over for a really long time.

She was about to walk out the door before she passed and looked over her shoulder.

"You should tell her how you feel, Bariş. Seriously. You've never looked at me the way you looked at her."

Bariş closed his eyes in regret for hurting her.

"Gupse, I'm so sorry."

She nodded with a sad smile and was gone.

Bariş thought about what she said. Should he call Elçin? He pulled out his phone and dialed before he could change his mind. It rang once and then went to voicemail. He lowered the phone slowly, numb.

That had been a pretty definitive sign. If she still had feelings for him she wouldn't have rejected the call. That was it. He had really lost her.

He stumbled, bracing his hand against the wall. His body suddenly felt cold and he turned towards his well-stocked bar. Grabbing a bottle of whiskey, he twisted off the top and drank straight from the bottle. He just wanted to forget everything today. How much he had lost, how much regret he felt, and how deeply he was hurting.