when you said you couldn't do it anymore, i couldn't stand it. i couldn't fucking even fathom what i was gonna do when you said it. it felt like you didn't want to try. it felt like you didn't love me enough. it felt like i worked my ass off and you couldn't do it. and now, we have all of these memories. the kisses, the hand holding, playlist making, movie watching, deep talking. the physical shit. NONE OF IT MATTERS ANYMORE. AND IT'S YOUR FAULT BECAUSE YOU DONT DATE, AND IT FEELS LIKE YOU TRIED BUT YOUR ASS DIDNT TRY HARD ENOUGH. now every time i pull up spotify, or listen to the beach boys, or look at my own STUPID fucking account, or go on anything, i just see you. i only see you. thursday morning breakfasts together, gone. no more. no more goodbye kisses, or hello kisses, or sing alongs in the car. no more sending each other photos of ourselves doing stupid or fun or silly things. no more. It hurts. because i was there for you. i tried to stay myself when you were feeling down and didn't want you to see me in distress because i didn't want you to be overwhelmed and break up with me earlier than you did. i wish we worked something out in the beginning. i wish i listened when you said you don't really date after you dropped me off at my house back on that fucking july hot as fuck night. i wish i fucking listened and held it together instead of fucking gushing and blushing at every word you said and freaked out when you put your stupid fucking arm on my leg and leaned your head on my shoulder. what sucks is that i still love you. and i still want to be with you. for everything to work out. and you probably don't want it because you can't date, or what the fuck ever. i lost you, someone i told i love, my best friend in the world, the person i told everything to and knew that no matter how weird i was, i knew you were going to stick beside me, because you told me you loved me too. i hate you i hate you you HURT me you TOLD ME you would ALWAYS LOVE ME you TOLD ME THAT i HATE you
