E-Dating

Chapter: 3 The Fabricator

What is a lie? Poeple would say its telling something wich is false to someone else with the purpose of decieving them.... Then let me ask you. What consequences would follow that lie if the person found out it was one.... Trust would be lost? hearts might be broken, and all because you wouldnt be brave enough to tell the truth and face the music wich would resolve in less damage being done...


Things had been going well with my girlfriend since the big fight... I felt like we grew closer and closer together.... normally when we wanted to get intimate I would let her choose when... something I promised myself so it wouldnt all be one sided and coming from me.  so one day when she was up and getting ready to go to school...  i started to feel confident... even though we had gotten intimate 2 days in a row  before that day... I fantasized about her... From the clothes she showed me she had I threw together an image of her that i desperately wanted to see come true.... and so... I asked her for the first time if she could send a picture like that... She didn't know where this came from... I never asked her this and it didn't seem like something I would do... so Amidietly she started asking who the hell it was on my side talking to her.... I didn't know what to do.... should I have told her It was me? showing her a new side of me that was the horny bastard I used to be... or should I lie? telling it indeed was someone else wich at the time seemed more believable for her.... to my regret now... I went for the latter... She started to get mad at the so called "friend" who was using my phone to text her before I would suddenly show up, saying i punched the guy and that it was all fine now...

                                                                                 It wasn't fine.....

I kicked up a shitstorm doing this... I didn't think it through... how the hell did my so called "friend" get in my phone... why did he text the same way I did... she felt like I was abusing her trust... like I was laughing with my friends about all the pictures she had send me in the past... this was something I would never do... She was mine not theirs! Only I get to see whats under those clothes and it stays that way! But I already had given myself away without knowing it... I kept the lie up... hurting her more in the process... untill finally things escelated.... She had planned something for today with me.... and now she dropped all of it... saying she wouldnt talk to me untill a few days later.... Only now did I realise the damage that I had caused.... It felt like we were at the end of the relationship.... these thoughts of her leaving me for good... I couldnt deal with it... I need her in my life. I need her love and I would be lost without it..... Tears rolled down my cheeks as I didn't know what to do... this was a major fuck up by me... the first concious lie I told her turned out like this.... If It thaught me one thing.... It was never... EVER... to Lie to her again.... She doesn't deserve it... I felt like I was falling into the footsteps of the guys before me... Abusing her trust and love for personal gain.... And most of those bastards ended up cheating on her.... I didn't want to cheat on her... Shes the love of my life... I can't let her go... but now... she wouldn't talk anymore... I kept on texting... telling her I was sorry and I couldnt live without her....Telling her I craved her love and trust and I was fine with her being mad... I just didn't want to lose her. and she finally responded with something that made my heart sink "Leave me alone" 

I couldn't keep this so called Facade up... I needed to tell her... I needed to tell her the truth... and so I did.. Telling her everything from beginning till the end... I told her I would get it if she didn't love me anymore... That she hated me and lost all trust in me...She suddenly said she kinda already knew... she could tell by the way I texted... shit... Was she that focused on me? She has held so much interest in me that she could tell this apart from someone else.... through fucking Texting.... I felt like I neglected her... Like this was it... This was the end... I asked her before I would finally leave her alone "are we still a thing?" to wich she responded a little later on "I won't leave you for a little lie like this... I lie sometimes aswell..."  I felt like I didn't deserve this... like I deserved to have her kick the shit out of me before leaving me in the dust to rot away... And all the while I felt like this.... I still wanted the oppesite... I still wanted her love... Her trust... wich I probably lost with this... And all of this because of some stupid fantasy I wanted to see come true....

I left her alone.... So now its just waiting untill she messages me.... if she ever will that is... I am still scared... But I gotta step up now and face my punishment.... Maybe she might not talk today anymore... But I will wait for her....