It was only a few months ago when I decided I was finally ready to overcome one of my biggest fears; committing myself to wearing the hijab. The only experience I ever had wearing the hijab was when I wore it to Sunday School, which even then, felt like a strange experience. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure how I ever allowed myself to feel ridiculous wearing the one best piece of clothing I could ever put on.
As a consequence of growing up in a non-muslim community, I was exposed to very few hijab-wearing Muslims, my mom being one of them. She was often treated differently because she wore it. I never understood why people looked at her differently, as if she was an alien invading their space, when she is just as human as everyone else. What inspires me about my mom, though, is how she never lets negativity change her positive outlook. because of her experiences with the hijab, I was always anxious about starting to wear one myself.
Even when I didn't wear a hijab, people made racist terrorist jokes, so in my mind, wearing one would only make things worse. The last thing I wanted was for someone to see me and yell "terrorist" or attempt to say "allahu akbar" in the hallway or in class as a joke.
Spending the summer in Jordan, where wearing a hijab was common, really encouraged me to think about trying it out, and so, my sister and I, finally decided to give it a try. We wore hijabs out for a couple of days and decided to make it a permanent thing, earning congratulations from all our family members. At first, it felt strange going out in a hijab, because every time I wanted to post a selfie, all I could think about is the reactions of everyone back in America who weren't used to seeing me with my hair covered. That didn't stop me from posting my pictures on social media. I figured it'd be easier for people to get used to the new me while I'm not there.
Slowly, I began to grow my confidence back, even learning different ways to style my hijab. The biggest change I had to get used to was the amount of attention I received. Before, I was always mostly shy, so not many people acknowledged my existence. Later, when I went back to the States, and back to school, for the first few weeks, I felt like I was always the center of attention. Throughout all of my classes, I felt everyone's eyes staring straight at me, but eventually, the stares became less and less apparent until they subsided completely.
Aside from all the foolish questions I received from ignorant people, asking if I joined a cult over the summer or if I was forced to wear it by my parents, there were many people genuinely curious about my decision to start wearing it. I really appreciated their questions. It was as if the more I answered their questions, the more I found out about myself. I chose to wear the hijab, not only because in my religion, women are obligated to be modest, but also because it strengthens my faith and brings me closer to God. Everytime I put my hijab on, I am reminded that I am a proud Muslim and my actions should show that.
