TARA
I never had a man actually want a relationship from me. I finally had to admit to myself that it's not them it's more on me on why I'm a 33 year old single mom who hasn't had a man claim ME as his since high school. Even with my son's father, we were never together, it was a one night stand that I regret till this day. No I don't regret my son being here, but I do regret the man I conceived him with. A 41 year old MARRIED man with a white WIFE whom he has 6 children with. I pretty much dead the entire situation with him and his pig face of a wife. Stephon treated Dre like SHIT. He would tell my baby he would get him to take him skating or out to the park to play basketball, every Saturday morning Dre would get up no later than 7:15 am and sit on the porch all day waiting on his dad. It'll be evening by the time Stephon bum ass would called & say he got tied up at work or something happen with one of the kids. This man was a compulsive liar. I always felt like he only told Dre those empty promises to feel less of a deadbeat. I always could maintain my own without assistance that's why I never pushed for child support. One thing about me, I don't need a man for shit not even my child's father. If this man wouldn't give my son his time why would I expect him to give him money ? Naw.. I rather avoid that headache all together.. Dre would be 18 in a few years anyway, we been making it this far without it anyhow. But after awhile, Dre eventually stop waiting on the front porch, to not even answering his calls. I guess Stephon finally got the hint after sometime and now rarely calls birthdays & holidays. Pfff! What a joke !
I laid across my bed scrolling through my contacts. Just when I was about to call "Mr. Reliable" you know, the one nigga you can call whenever to get dick from my homegirl Saniya calls.
"Bitch"
"sup Niy"?!
"Bitchhhh"
"Omg what what What"?! I screamed. Anticipating the tea she was about to serve.
"Guess who I see in the same Restaurant as me & Jakiem"
"Who bitch WHO"!!
"Branden"
I frowned my face up. We officially broke things off for good a few weeks ago. I finally had him out my system... or so I thought.
"Girl I don't give a damn about his ass. You could have text this instead of calling in a frantic"
"Mmm so you don't care huh? Well since you don't care I guess hearing he in here right now with one of his baby mommas. Hold on let me ... yup that's the one he had a baby on you with. Mmm they got the baby with them & all .. oh shit bitch she getting up.. let me look at her shoes to see what type of bitch she really is... wait hold up ... why she look pregnant ? Is she pregnant ? When the last time you talk to Him?"
Saniya was going on and on I tuned her out after hearing that she looked pregnant again . My gut told me he still has dealings with her. For over a year I dealt with him keeping me in the dark.. only wanting to spend time late night. And when he did it was always at my house or hotel. He told me he has a crazy ex who vandalized his apartment and car so he was cautious about who he let over. I was so desperate naive and insecure I forced myself to believe in a lie to avoid the truth cutting so deeply. Saniya finally got tired of me crying my ass out she somehow found his address and we drove by. We stake out his house for hours until we saw his baby mom pull up. In my heart I wanted so badly for her to pick up the baby and gone bout her business but as she approached the door she unlock it. My heart broke into a million pieces. Saniya wild ass was ready to set it off, but I decided to just walk away. The hurt I felt was all on me. I allowed that. I blocked his number and haven't spoken or heard from him since. I wish I would've decline Saniya's call. Hearing this news put me back in my funk I just got out of.
"Niy let me call you back" I finally said. Saniya was still yapping her gums until the words finally broke her rant.
"Bitch you not about to cry are you? "
"No I was in the middle of something" I answered pulling up Brenten's and I text thread.
"Naw you bout to text his ass! I know you bitch" Saniya said this time sounding annoyed.
I didn't answer. My fingers was too busy writing.
"Tara ! Don't text that nigga ! You know he not gone respond or say some asshole shit to hurt your feelings. Fuck him and her ! Just move on! If I would've known telling you this would get you back in crazy mode I would've kept it to myself!"
I still didn't answer. My focus was on the long text message I was getting ready to send his ass.
"TARA"!!
"What"?! I yelled back
"You're wasting you time. Texting his ass won't get the reaction you looking for. This is a conversation you need to have face to face"
"Face to face? You know what .. you're absolutely right."
"Tara don't come up here and start nothing . That man out having dinner with his family don-
"I'll call you back" I said not giving her a chance to respond before I hung up.
I began pacing back and forth. A million thoughts filled my head.. a million more feelings came over my body.
"If he doesn't pick up go out there and pretend you're just in the neighborhood or something" I said to myself. I finally convinced myself to call, right before I dial his number Saniya called. I declined it and called Brenton. She would've definitely talked me out of it. But I was love sick over this man. Not even my best friend at this point could stand in the way.
As the phone began to ring my heart thump faster and faster. I thought for sure he would send me to voicemail but instead he answered !
"hello"
"Hey ! It's me Tara"
"I know who this is.. what's going on"?
"Nothing much I was just reaching out to see how everything was going with you"? I asked
"Ah everything is cool this way how you been"?
"Good for the most part" I answered lying my ass off
"Its good hearing from you ma ! I been thinking bout you like crazy .. I been thinking bout us .. you know getting back how was and shit? I miss that pussy"
My vagina jumped. I could never understand how this man could treat me nothing more than a jump off but somehow I continue to fall for all his bullshit . This man could snap his fingers and I would bark skip jump crawl run walk to his demand.
"That's cool with you T"? Brenton asked
"Huh"?
He giggled" yo head stay in them clouds ma! But on G im tryna link up with you later tonight"
"What's late"?! I asked. Knowing damn well I knew it would be round BOOTY CALL HOURS.
"Shit maybe 1 or 2.. I'm in the studio right now kicking the shits with my boys. It'll be late before they lay down everything. I was gone slide to your spot after if that's cool"?
"yeah that fine but could we go to your house? Dre has a few of his Friends over tonight" I lied hoping he would said yes but knowing damn well a lie was coming
"Oh naw we can get a room or something. I been drinking and the studio is literally right by my house. Once I got left the studio I was gone crash on that side for the night. You know I don't like to drink and drive "
I got pissed all over again. This nigga know he can lie his ass off! I should've bam on his ass and placed him back on blocked. But malice started to feel my heart. I told myself that night a man would never break my heart ever again. And if he did he would have to pay. Tears filled my eyes.. I let out a silent scream as Brenton continued lying about how he didn't feel comfortable with me coming to his house because he hadn't had his carpet clean or some other bullshit. I looked to see Saniya beeping in, I declined her called..
"So we good? I can book the room now and you can chill there until I come"
"That's perfect ! Send me the details once you're through" I said behind a face full of tears
"Ok cool. I'm looking forward to seeing you Tara on the real" Brenton said . I couldn't tell if it was a lie or not but it didn't matter because I already had my mind made up.
" I look forward to seeing you too" I said back but what I left out was I looked forward to killing his ass too
