The Only Reason (Muke)

Chapter 2

Luke's POV

It was time to tell him my past.

When I finally calmed myself down I didn't know how to start, I didn't know how to tell him. 

How would I tell the love of my life I was physically, sexually, and mentally abused by what I called my 'parents' ? It's not quite easy to do. What if he thinks I just an attention seeking freak? What if he leaves me? No no, he wouldn't, this is Michael not some other person.

I finally got the courage and pulled myself from his tight grip and his warmth feeling the cold breeze across my chest.

This is how I told him. I still regret it.

"Michael, I'm sorry.. I'm sorry you're seeing me like this. I didn't want you to worry about me. I didnt want you to know my problems,but I-I can't do this alone, I can't anymore, Its been a while. My memories are killing me,my past is fucked up, and please don't tell me to stop hurting myself and god Michael please don't give me pity you know how much I hate it,  it's not easy, especially if you have been doing this for about 8 years! It's hard! I'm so tired Michael, tired of remembering what my parents did to me, tired of pretending to be happy, tired of not having anyone telling me they love me or that everything's gonna be fine, Michael I'm just just tired of everything! " I broke down at the end of my speech when I looked up and saw Michael crying, it broke my heart I knew it was a bad idea.

Without saying anything He pulled me into a hug again, not letting me go, and telling me it was all gonna be okay and that he loves me over and over again.

Later that night me and Michael decided to rent a hotel room, We told Calum and Ashton we needed to be alone and that we would be fine, they agreed without questions. We watched movies and Michael did everything in his power to make me smile, until I slowly drifted off to sleep in his arms forgetting my problems at least for a while.

End of Flashback ~

Michael runs his fingers through my sweaty quiff and telling me everything is gonna be okay, that's all he's been saying, and I appreciate it but I know it's not gonna be okay, it will never be.

He suddenly stops and looks at me in the eyes,

"Luke, you know you can tell me anything right? "He says softly.

I just nod in response, I know I can, I trust him with my life. He is the only valuable reason I have right now to stay alive, and I feel bad for saying that but I know Calum and Ashton will be okay, I know they wont need me later, Michael too but I don't want to let him go.

Knowing I don't want to talk he sighs and grabs my hand,

"And you also know that I love you right," I nod again looking down at his hand knowing he doesn't love me the way I love him.

"I love you too Michael," I say taking my hand back and fiddling with my fingers, "You have no idea," I whisper to myself.

Calum and Ashton fly into the room not knocking or asking for permission and seeing the state we both are quickly pull us into a hug. Ashton and Calum know. They don't know about my parents,  or about me self harming,  all they know is that I love, yeah love Michael. They know how much I love him and how much it hurts me knowing he doesn't love me back.

Soon Ashton quickly tries to lighten the mood as always since we have been silent for the last 10 minutes just hugging.

"So..Who wants pizza?!" He asks loudly and Calum instantly agrees with him. Honestly I'm not really hungry, but I notice Michael's eyes flash with calm and a big smile on his face that only I know is fake, he turns to me and asks "What about you Luke?  Do you want pizza?" mostly concerned. I nodded, quickly put on a fake smile and jump up from the couch we've been seating in.Then Calum and Ashton bolt out of the door like little kids screaming 'Race you!!'

I smile at the boy beside me and we start walking outside when I hear Michael say "Hey Luke," Then he does something I should have expected but for some reason, I didn't.. He pulls me into a hug,  not  quite like a friendly hug that he always does, it felt more intimate where I feel his heart beating and feel his warm breath in my neck with his arms wrapped tightly around my neck and hiding his face in my shoulder,he whispers "I love you," against my flannel before leaving me there standing, wondering what way he meant it.