Levi x Reader - Drowning

Levi's P.O.V.

The sensation of water astonishes me to this day, actually, probably now more than ever. Water is what holds new life in this world, yet it can easily take that life away, death's bony fingers tracing the surface of the substance. It can make us feel more alive than we've ever felt, or it makes us shake in fear to the point where we no longer feel out bodies. And weightlessness. That's probably my favorite thing. The feeling of being free, and having nothing weighing you down. The water is truly amazing, except when you feel as though you're drowning.

I always held a tender spot for you. Why, I'll never understand. You were just a normal cadet, one that would have surly meshed in with the crowd of faces within the Survey Corps. But the first time you looked at me, you didn't flinch or frown. No. You smiled. And with such a simple, stupid gesture, I fell in love with you. It seems like some fairy tale sounding bullshit I'd read in a cliché book, but for some unexplained reason, it happened. You were a rarer find than the deepest blue tanzanite gem, one I wished to one day call my own. But often times, the current takes you a new direction.

I tried to win you over, I really did. All of my attempts were fucking horrible. Every time I talked to you it was a bit awkward; I'd try to make small talk but when I felt like I was coming on too strong, I'd bark some order at you and make you leave. That's the last thing I wanted to do though, send you away from my presence. But I'm a man who's awful with emotions, an angry monster that can express no love. However...I thought maybe, because of that dazzling smile, I might still have a chance with you. And desperately, I trusted myself and got lost down your waterway.

Nothing would have prepared me for what faced me next though. There you were, holding hands with some stupid brat over by the pond I had taken you to once. I tried to convince myself I was just seeing something, that the sight in front of me was simply a misleading façade. But hope can only hold on for so long, and it fell to the earth like April rain when I saw his lips touch yours. My body tore in two like a useless piece of paper, simply to be tossed and thrown out. For the first time in years, I wanted to cry. I had let the fortress around my heart fall down, and now I was deal thing with consequences of my poor decision. You mercilessly held my head under the water, and my breath was running short.

I didn't think things could get any worse, by irony's a bitch and has an agenda of her own. The only thing that hurt worse than watching you fall for another, was watching your face at his funeral. I should have been happy, the person who ruined my life was finally gone. He was the one that got to kiss you, hold you, make love to you. I should have been on cloud nine. But as I stated earlier, I held a tender spot in my heart for you, and my heart wanted to break when I saw and heard you sobbing that day. You really did love him, and here was extra proof of that fact. Moving in on you now would seem simply like an insult to the love you and that boy had once shared. So there I stood, caged by the water that had engulfed me in its arms.

Now I sit here in silence, laying in a bathtub filled with lukewarm water. I'm submerged in the clear liquid, the water stroking its fingertips all over my body. Each stroke is like a stab wound though, paining me more and more by the second. I stare here at the wall, mind empty with a blank facial expression. This is my fate, and with a heavy heart, I accept it. I will forever sit here, downing in a lost river. My only hope now is that someday, you'll reach your arm into the water, and pull me up to your surface.