(Should I be) Just Like Him

Would You Rather Have Him Than Me?

Recently Antonio has taken several trips to Italy's house. Romano always knew where he was going. How did he know? Easy, the fucking tomato bastard had told him, 'If you need to reach me, just call your brother.' The older Italian man hated the fact Antonio visted his brother so much. He wanted to tell the other man to stay home instead, but he just couldn't bring himself to stop him from going.
Lovino had been waiting for several days for his Spanish friend, but he still hadn't come back. He couldn't stop overthinking the reasoning behind his absence. He knew his boss enjoyed spending time with his brother, but he had thought Antonio would be back by now. There should've been hints that something was seriously wrong with the grumpy Italian. However, with how dense Spain normally was, he didn't think the spaniard had a single clue how much his actions had hurt him.
'He must be really stressed out and wants to hang out with someone more joyful and openly loving than me. Why else would he still be there? He's always liked Feliciano better than me. I shouldn't be surprised. Maybe he's trying to get him to come home with him so he'll finally have the Italian companion he always wanted. Of course he'd like him better. I'm a jackass who can't draw, make my own pasta, or even do his stupid work.' Tears welled up in the corner of his eyes, threatening to overflow at any minute.
'I'm sorry that I'm so worthless. I can't be happy or useful like my brother. Ever since we were torn apart, happiness doesn't come easy to me. Rodrich handed me off to that spanish jerk, tearing me away my brother and told me to do his housework. I constantly refused because I didn't want to be anyone's slave.... Then that Spanish bastard expected me to be just like my kid brother. I tried to clean up like he did over at Austria's house, but I just made a bigger mess. I failed at being even the slightest bit like him.'
"Maybe.... he would.... be b-better off... with my.... m-my brother...." Hearing those words come out of his own mouth, broke the last bit of resolve he had left to keep himself from crying. His tears came down like twin rivers of sadness down his cheeks. The pain in his heart caught up with him all at once and all he could do was curl up in a ball and sob uncontrollably. Why would Spain want him when his brother was so much better in every way?
Once Antonio finally came home, he decided to stop by Lovino's room to check on his friend. He thought that he would find the Italian man pouting or getting ready to tackle him to the ground. Maybe he had gotten sick of waiting and took a nap until he came back. However the sight that greeted him, shook him to the core. The usually feisty brunette was lying in a puddle of blood, his own blood. His back was facing away so that he couldn't see the other's face. The Spanish man rushed to his side and checked his body for wounds. He saw that his friend had deep cuts in his arms from where someone had injured him. Antonio ground his teeth painfully together, swearing he would discover and punish whoever had caused harm to his precious little Lovi.
Going to his room as quickly as he could manage, Spain grabbed a first-aid kit. He turned the other man onto his back, cleaning the cuts and wrapping them with gauze. Then, the spaniard carefully picked his Italian friend up to place him on the bed. Sitting on the edge beside him, he softly ran his fingers though Lovino's hair. Knots formed in his stomach as dark thoughts consumed him.
'What if he never wakes up? I'll never see his temper flare up when he gets angry at me. Never see his rare smiles when he thinks no one's looking. Never hear his cute voice when he tells me, 'Miss you? Why would I ever do that, you stupid jerk bastard!?'.... I'll find the one who did this and cut them down. I can't let them get away with hurting him.'
A few hours later, Lovino finally opened his eyes. His vision was blurry at first from all the blood loss earlier. Glancing around the room, he noticed Antonio pacing back and forth across the room. "T-tony...?" is all he was able to get out before he erupted into a violent coughing fit.
Antonio instantly raced to his side, sat the other man up gently, and gave him a glass of water one of the maids had left for him earlier. Romano gratefully drank the water to soothe his severely dry throat. Once he had settled down, he stared down at his arms. They had been throughougly wrapped in bandages.
"Lovi... who did this to you?" Spain asked him, obvious concern evident in his voice.
The Italian refused to look at him, remaining silent.
"Lovino?" Antonio cupped the other man's cheek forcing him to look at him. "Please tell me."
Having no option to run away, his slender frame trembled, his face twisted in pain, and tears spilled down his face. His hands covered his eyes as he began crying harder than when Spain wasn't there. Somehow his emotions took control and made it impossible to lie.
"I-I did it... I couldn't t-take it anymore. You always go to see my b-brother.... I just thought you don't need someone as worthless as me anymore. So I should just dis-..."
Before he could finish, Antonio wrapped his arms around Lovino. He pulled him against his chest, kissing the top of the other's head. He waited for the smaller man's sobbing to subside a bit before speaking.
"I had no idea you felt this way. But you shouldn't compare yourself to him. You're both very different people." He pulled away slightly, still holding the Italian, so he could see his serious face. "Don't talk about yourself like that. You have plenty of worth to me."
"Like how?" Lovino asked, his eyes bloodshot from crying so much.
"Whenever I return home after a long business trip, you always throw a tantrum and say 'you shouldn't leave me all alone so long, you bastard' or 'don't bother coming home, if you're going to take so long' or something similar. It made me happy hearing your honest feelings."
"Why should you be happy? I insulted you, treated you like shit, and I never help you out how I should. Honestly I'd be better off-..."
"Lovino." Antonio gave him a stern look and cut him off again. "Didn't I say not to speak like that? And you're wrong about one thing. You do help me out, mi amigo."
"I don't believe you, bastard."
The spaniard wiped a few tears out of the other's eyes. "You help me out by giving me a reason to keep fighting. To protect you, my little tomate."
"You're so estupida, España."
The spaniard chuckled lightly. "Now that's the Lovi I know and love."
Lovino's face lit up bright red as a ripe tomato. "L-love?"
"That's right. I love you, Lovino."
"Just to be clear... h-how do you mean by 'you love me'?"
The taller brunette smiled brightly. "I love you like you're a part of my family, of course."
This statement only made the Italian even more confused. "Family? How so? Like a brother?"
Scratching his head absentmindedly, Antonio tried to comprehend what he himself had meant. "Well, it's not quite like that... It's surprisingly hard to explain."
Lovino's face fell and then he rolled his eyes. "You're just saying you don't know, aren't you?"
Spain's nervous laughter basically confirmed what he had just said.
"España... me puedes sostener en tus brazos otra vez? Y no me sueltes hasta que te lo diga."
Easily granting the normally dishonest Italian's request, Antonio pulled Lovino into a warm embrace. One hand ran through his hair while the other rubbed the smaller man's back. He was completely content to stay like this as long as Lovino needed him to. He would do anything for his beloved italiano.

Translation notes:
Tomaten- tomato
España - Spain
me puedes sostener en tus brazos otra vez? - Can you hold me in your arms again?
Y no me sueltes hasta que te lo diga - And do not let go until I say so
Italiano - Italian

(AN: Thought it would be really sweet if Romano could only be honest when he spoke in Spain's native language.)

I was inspired to write this while listening to a really sad song, Silent Scream by Damien Dawn. I actually started crying while writing this. Why did I do this to you, Romano? I'm sorry I love you my sweet baby tsundere child. ;_; But I thought it would be really cute for Spain to comfort and assure Romano that he does indeed need him. I tried not to make the suicide attempt too graphic because 1.) I hate being brutal to my favorite characters, 2.)I probably wouldn't be able to describe it in a realistic way, and 3.)I was already having a hard time doing this much to hurt poor Lovi. Regardless I hope anyone who reads this enjoys it for what it is. This will most likely just be a oneshot, but I might write more if I get inspired again. No guarantees on that. I will definitely be writing more stories when I can think of something, so look forward to that. ^u^