How I Met Your Father || larry stylinson

Episode 1 - The Haunted House

KIDS, THIS IS THE STORY OF HOW I MET YOUR FATHER.

AS YOU ALL KNOW, LONG BEFORE UNCLE ZAYN BECAME A FAMOUS PHOTOGRAPHER FOR BEING THE ONLY ONE TO CAPTURE THE LANDING OF A WEIRD SPACESHIP FILLED WITH ALIEN ALPACAS IN 2026,  HE AND I WERE BUSINESS PARTNERS. WE WERE PARTNERS IN CRIME. I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT CRIME AS IN RANDOM SHENANIGANS. I'M TALKING ABOUT REAL CRIME. JUST KIDDING. OKAY I'M NOT KIDDING. UNCLE ZAYN AND I RUN A SMALL METH LAB. OKAY I'M KIDDING.

CHILD ONE AND CHILD TWO: DAD!!

CHILD THREE: WHAT'S METH?

IT'S CANDY BUT BAD FOR YOU.

HARRY: *covers child three's ears* LOUIS WILLIAM TOMLINSON, I AGREED THAT YOU TELL THE STORY AS LONG AS YOU STOP CORRUPTING OUR CHILDREN'S MINDS.

GOING BACK TO THE STORY, UNCLE ZAYN AND I WERE HANGING OUT AT UNCLE LIAM'S HOUSE ALONG WITH SOME OTHER FELLAS MAINLY BECAUSE YOUR UNCLE LIAM LIVED BESIDE A SNAKE HABITAT AND UNCLE ZAYN, BEING AN ASPIRING WILDLIFE PHOTOGRAPHER, THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD THING TO SPEND THE LAST SUMMER VACATION WE HAD BEFORE UNI NEAR AN ANIMAL RESERVE. PLUS, UNCLE ZAYN HAD A THING FOR UNCLE LIAM BECAUSE HE THOUGHT YOUR UNCLE LIAM HAD A RATHER LARGE SNAKE OF HIS OWN.

CHILD ONE: UNCLE ZAYN USED TO FANCY UNCLE LIAM? NO WAY!

HARRY: THAT'S IT I'M TAKING MAX TO BED.

CHILD TWO: POP, TAKE ME WITH YOU TOO.

ALEX, I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO KNOW THE STORY OF HOW I MET YOUR FATHER?

ALEX: PLEASE, KEEP IT CLEAN. NO MORE SEXUAL REFERENCES.

CHILD ONE: I'M RATHER ENJOYING THE SEXUAL REFERENCES.

ALEX: I TOLD YOU JUSTIN'S GAY. PAY UP, DAD.

MY WALLET'S UPSTAIRS.

JUSTIN: YOU GUYS HAD A BET ON MY SEXUALITY?

HARRY: YOU GUYS HAD A BET ON OUR SON'S SEXUALITY?

* * *

"You guys had a bet on the Irish exchange student's sexuality?" Liam asks as he hands Zayn and I two bottles of beer each.

"Yes," Zayn laughs. "I won. Dude's totally gay."

"He looked like he liked pussy." I shake my head. "There goes my five hundred."

"What's so fun about betting on other people's sexuality?" Luke sighs. "That's kind of morally wrong."

"Don't be a downer, Lukey." I laugh.

"It's just wrong to treat people that way that's all."

"Hemmings, enough with the holier-than-thou talk." I say as I climb up his body like a tiny little monkey. "Actually, enough talking in general. You're hot when you don't talk." I say as I bring my mouth closer to his.

* * *

HARRY: HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU HAD A PAST WITH LUKE?

YOU NEVER ASKED. ANYWAY, IT WASN'T SERIOUS.

HARRY: LUKE AND I USED TO HOOK UP TOO.

HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME!?

HARRY: YOU NEVER ASKED. *smirks sarcastically*

ALEX: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT UNCLE LUKE NOW KNOWING HE SHAGGED BOTH OF MY DADS?

MAX: WHAT'S SHAGGED?

IT'S UM LIKE PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK BUT FOR ADULTS.

* * *

"Hey, I heard there's a new carnival in town." Zayn says as he downs a beer. "It should be fun."

"Carnivals are lame, man." I laugh mockingly.

"We should go and laugh at its lameness." He tries to convince the gang. "Come on!"

"Nah," Luke burps. "I'd rather stay here with my little pumpkin." He says as he looks at me and gives me a kiss on the forehead.

"Little pumpkin?" Michael snorts. "Stop being lame, Luke."

"Yeah, it's kinda lame, Luke." I giggle.

Luke stands up from the sofa and heads to the fridge. "Babe, come back, I think it's sweet."

"You know what would be sweet? The cotton candy at the carnival." Zayn coughs.

"Why are you so psyched about this carnival?" Liam asks Zayn.

"When I was a kid, my dad never really brought me to them and I don't know I guess I'm curious." Zayn smiles sheepishly. "I know you guys think it's lame but I really want to see what carnivals are like."

* * *

I ONLY FOUND OUT A YEAR AGO THAT YOUR UNCLE ZAYN WAS A HUGE LIAR. APPARENTLY, HIS DAD WAS A SUPER RICH OIL GUY IN PAKISTAN WHO BROUGHT HIM TO TONS OF CARNIVALS.

* * *

"We should go," Liam says as he stands up from the couch.

"Sure," Michael murmurs as he stands up as well.

The five of us squeeze ourselves into Liam's dad's car. We then head to the carnival. It was an hour away from Liam's house and things got weird. Michael started farting and Luke started puking. Basically, the car ended up smelling like an old shoe box and Liam's dad forbade us to use his car ever again.

* * *

SECRETLY, YOUR UNCLE ZAYN HAD A HIDDEN AGENDA. YOU SEE, KIDS, THREE WEEKS BEFORE THAT, YOUR UNCLE ZAYN AND I HAD A BET. HE CLAIMED I WOULDN'T LAST A MINUTE IN A HAUNTED HOUSE WITHOUT SCREAMING.

YOUR UNCLE ZAYN LOST THAT BET. YOU SEE, WHEN YOUR OLD MAN IS DRUNK, HE BECOMES FEARLESS. NO SCARY WHITE LADY NOR PERSON WRAPPED IN TISSUE PAPER PRETENDING TO BE A MUMMY COULD BRING ME DOWN.

HARRY: LOUIS, YOU TOTALLY SCREAMED. I'M TELLING ZAYN.

MAX: *turns to Harry* YOU WERE THERE TOO?

YOUR DAD WAS A WHITE LADY. AND THAT KIDS, WAS THE VERY FIRST TIME I LAID EYES ON YOUR FATHER. HE WAS WEARING A WHITE CURTAIN AND HAD BLOOD ALL OVER HIM. AND YES, HE WORE A WIG.

* * * * * * * * *

I'm so sorry if it's confusing to read. I'm trying my best to make it understandable.

Here's a quick reading guide. When it's ALL CAPS, it's the future where Louis and Harry are telling their story to their kids (Justin, Alex, and Max. Justin is 19. Alex is 16. Max is 13. Justin and Max are boys while Alex is a girl.) When it's the memory, it's written normally. And btw I decided not to put "LOUIS:" before the stuff Louis says because I don't want it to look like a script idk haha.

Let me know what you think! xx