How I Met Your Father || larry stylinson

Episode 2 - Uncle Niall Shaves

HARRY: KIDS, AS YOU ALL KNOW, UNCLE NIALL IS FROM IRELAND.

NO SHIT, SHERLOCK.

MAX: WHAT'S SHERLOCK?

LET ME TELL THE STORY INSTEAD.

HARRY: FINE, IF YOU WISH.

SO, KIDS, AS YOU ALL KNOW, YOUR UNCLE NIALL IS FROM IRELAND.

HARRY: HEY!

MAX: WAIT WHAT'S SHERLOCK?

JUSTIN: LET ME GOOGLE IT.

* * *

"Let me google it." Zayn says as Niall tries to explain the tradition of the Irish of shaving their armpits every Friday.

"It's really just simple, mate." Niall laughs. "Ye just use a razor on your pits."

"Challenge accepted!" Zayn's eyes glitter and he storms into the bathroom.

"How's college life treating you?" Niall asks as he hands me the red bowl of popcorn.

"I'm flunking botany." I sigh.

"My roommate's really smart. I could hook you up. He's looking for extra cash."

"That'd be fantastic, Niall."

* * *

JUSTIN: I HAVE TO URINATE.

ALEX: YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANNOUNCE IT YOU PSYCHO.

HARRY: ALEX, YOUR BROTHER ISN'T A PSYCHO.

JUSTIN: PLEASE PAUSE THE STORYTELLING UNTIL I GET BACK.

ALEX: YOU'RE SUCH A GIRL.

HARRY: GO AHEAD AND WEE, SON, WE'LL CONTINUE THE STORY WHEN YOU GET BACK.

JUSTIN: *leaves for the loo*

GOING BACK TO THE STORY, I GOT UNCLE NIALL'S ROOMMATE'S CONTACT DETAILS AND WE STARTED TEXTING EACH OTHER.

HARRY: LOUIS, WAIT FOR YOUR SON TO GET BACK.

ALEX: CARRY ON, DAD. KNOWING JUSTIN, HE'D TAKE AN HOUR IN THERE.

UNCLE NIALL'S ROOMMATE AND I AGREED TO MEET AT THE LIBRARY BUT I NEVER GOT TO MEET HIM. AND FOR THAT, I AM FOREVER GRATEFUL. YOU SEE, KIDS, SOMETIMES THINGS AREN'T DESTINED TO HAPPEN. AND BECAUSE I WASN'T DESTINED TO MEET YOUR UNCLE NIALL'S ROOMMATE, I WAS ABLE TO CROSS PATHS WITH YOUR FATHER YET AGAIN.

* * *

I was in the library and I had my reading glasses on. I was getting bored staring at the wall clock and so I decided to take out one of my books. I flipped the pages of the book until I reached a page with a few words.

I fell asleep and the next thing I know, I feel something warm behind my back.

"The um library's um closing." I hear a hesitant raspy voice breathe unto my neck. I turn around to scold the guy who woke me up but he was nowhere to be found.

* * *

AT FIRST, I THOUGHT IT WAS A GHOST WHO HAD WAKEN ME UP BUT I FOUND OUT WHEN I STARTED DATING YOUR FATHER THAT HE SAW ME ON THE LIBRARY THAT FATEFUL NIGHT AND THOUGHT I LOOKED CUTE WITH MY READING GLASSES.

HARRY: YOU DO LOOK CUTE WITH YOUR READING GLASSES. HOW COME YOU DON'T USE THEM ANYMORE?

WELL, FOR ONE, I DON'T READ ANYMORE SO...

JUSTIN: I'M BACK. WHAT HAPPENED AFTER UNCLE NIALL SAID HE'D HOOK YOU UP WITH HIS ROOMIE?

ALEX: YOU DID NOT JUST USE "ROOMIE" IN A SENTENCE.

MAX: CAN WE FINISH THE STORY? I'M SLEEPY.

WHY DON'T WE CALL IT A NIGHT? LET'S CONTINUE THE STORY TOMORROW.

JUSTIN: BUT THEN YOU'LL END UP FORGETTING WHICH PART OF THE STORY WE'RE AT AND THE TIMELINE I'M MAKING WILL GET MESSY.

ALEX: I DON'T CARE ABOUT JUSTIN'S DORKY TIMELINE BUT I AGREE. I THINK YOU SHOULD FINISH TELLING THE STORY.

YOU CAN'T RUSH A GOOD STORY, SON.

ALEX: DAD, I'M A GIRL.

YOU DON'T SAY.

JUSTIN, ALEX, AND MAX: JUST FINISH THE STORY ALREADY!

KIDS, PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE. BUT LET ME CARRY ON.

* * *

"Carry on." Niall says as he waits for Zayn to shave his armpits.

"I give up." Zayn sighs. "Hair is essential to a man. I can't shave my armpits. Not even for a million."

"It's just hair, Zayn." I say as I take the razor from his hand and run them across the skin of my armpits.

"Erm, Lou?" Niall squints his eyes away from me.      

"What?"

"You're bleeding."

I look at my left armpit and realized I forgot to put shaving cream.

* * *

AND THAT KIDS, IS THE STORY OF HOW YOU SHOULD NEVER FORGET TO PUT SHAVING CREAM OR FOAM BEFORE YOU SHAVE. ALEX, TAKE NOTES. YOU TOO, JUSTIN. MAX, YOU HAVE NO FACIAL HAIR YET. YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE NOTES.

MAX: AWESOME!

HARRY: NIGHT, KIDS. GO UP YOUR ROOM NOW.

JUSTIN: NIGHT, DADS.

JUSTIN, ALEX, AND MAX: *exits the living room*

HARRY: YOU THINK YOU WOULD HAVE LEARNED YOUR LESSON BY NOW, LOU. *licks my shaving nicks*

I'D RATHER HAVE YOU LICK MY SHAVING CUTS THAN HAVE UNWOUNDED SKIN, LOVE.

HARRY: YOU KNOW I'D LICK YOU WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE THESE WOUNDS, RIGHT?

I KNOW, HARRY. I KNOW.