The Nearest Heaven

Part 30 - Justice

Part 30 – Justice

"Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear."

~Surah Baqarah, verse 228

While Faraaz was alone with Jacob, he poured his mind out. Jacob was the right guy for him to unload everything onto. Faraaz was confident that Jacob would give him the most appropriate and the quickest, most suitable remedy. "Jake," he began once Jacob had transferred him onto the comfortable bed.

Faraaz allowed his body to relax into the bed before he spoke again, which gave his mind enough pause to gather its thought. "I know that I pretended that everything was fine downstairs when Fadiyah was there." He let out a deep sigh. His feelings were muddled so terribly that he even struggled to make sense of it. He hated the way that even he felt uncertain of what he felt, or how he should feel.

He loved Fadiyah, of that he was certain without a shadow of doubt in his mind. He knew that he would do anything that would make her happy, he knew that he would go to the ends of the world to ensure that she was happy... but he didn't know how to approach his current dilemma. In his heart he knew that with her abduction, he was not going to let his sister and Rasheed get away with it. He wanted them punished to the full extent of the law, and more. He wanted them to suffer as badly as his wife had suffered, he wanted them to feel the torment and pain that they had put his Kitten through.

"But the truth of the matter is that I am not okay. I know that I hardly have the right to be so angry on her part, because she is the one who suffered through it, she lived through that trauma alone... but if I had protected her better, it would not have happened." He shook his head in despair. "She is my wife, my amaanat from Allah, and in my care, she was severely harmed."

Seeing Faraaz spiralling headfirst and blindly into the depths of depression by overthinking and causing himself anxiety over situations that cannot be changed, Jacob quickly interrupted. "Okay, okay," he spoke calmly as he grabbed hold of Faraaz's shoulders and soothed him by pressing small circles into it. "Just listen to me, okay?"

When Faraaz's honey coloured eyes focused on Jacob, then only did Jacob continue. "I know things suck right now, yeah? I know they do. But you cannot go on blaming yourself for what had happened. Neither you nor Fadiyah are to be blamed for the psychotic behaviour that Ilhaam and Rasheed had concocted to hurt the two of you. What your job is as Fadiyah's husband, Faraaz, is to stand beside her and support her through this. She went through a lot – something that you and I won't ever be able to understand because that is something that she suffered through on her own. No one here at home will ever know what that kind of heart-stopping terror is like. No one will understand the fears and tortures that she lived through. What we all can do though, is to let her feel free to express her pain and her emotions. We can only offer her our love and support. We can only show her that we love her and that she is in a judgement free space and not no one will make her feel less for being human – more than that, for being someone who had suffered so horrifically."

Faraaz nodded to show his understanding. "It makes sense, Jake. It does... but I feel terrible. How can I not do anything to help her? How can I leave her alone in her time of need? I'm no super hero, I know that. But I feel utterly useless to her."

"Being strong for her is not being useless."

"I know that, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept. It doesn't feel like it's helpful in any way." Faraaz let out a deep sigh, his exhaustion speaking volumes in a single sigh. "I don't know what to do, Jake. I want them to be brutally punished and to know what she has lived through. On the other hand, I also want to show them that I am a better Muslim, that I will leave the ultimate punishment to Allah, the Most Just of Judges. How do I reconcile my hurt for Fadiyah with what I know to be the right thing?"