It was almost the start of school and I was starting out as a freshman at an unknown school. Having no friends was intimidating, but it was going okay. Making friends was definitely not easy, but as I started becoming more comfortable with this new environment, I started opening up.
One problem I had was the amount of people I had a crush on. At first I solely based my crushes of their looks, not knowing their personality so when I found some dirt on them, I quickly changed my crushes. I'm also extremely naive so I fell for people easily. Week after week, I'd be telling my friends about a new guy that I like and I'm sure they became tired of my bullshit. It was not until gym class where I met what I thought was the guy of my dreams. He was a little taller than me, witty, had a smile that melted you, and was athletic and nerdy.
At first I really only thought of him as a friend. It was at that time when we were learning self-defense so we had partners. Though I wasn't his partner, my partner talked to him a lot, which helped me know him better. He gave me his number and we started talking a bit, but mostly playing imessage games. This was also the same time that I started to develop feelings from him which I quickly brushed off. Thing were going well and my feelings started to become stronger. Two days before winter break, we were in the fitness room. We did our usual things. We ran on the treadmills, raced, talked to each other. My other friend was there, and he someone managed to piss him off. The nicest person I knew at the time was pissed and enraged. Naturally, I felt extremely bad for him. I tried making things a little better by checking up on him and forcing the guy to apologize to him, but I still felt like he was hurt. Good thing it was winter break after that, so I had two weeks to avoid him and have some peace.
After the two week break, I was nervous seeing him again. We were playing dodgeball and he seemed happy, so I hit him with a ball. I smiled at him and smiled back. Yet again, many emotions rushed through me. Our texts just became me sending him memes and sending him a bunch of memes. This went on for about two months. I was getting pretty tired of this and my conversations lead to nowhere, so I decided to open up. So I exposed a lot of things about myself which I now thoroughly regret. I told him about all the things that I look for in a relationship, my kinks, and other random shit. This was also near March break which was exciting. He was in Mexico, so I pretended that I was extremely interested about his trip. I urged him to send pictures, tell me about his day, and overall just to talk to me. That was all I wanted. For him to talk to have a normal conversation with me.
One night, I was facetiming my friends, and I told them about my conversations with him. They compared him to a guy we absolutely detested. I brushed them off, saying that he was different. But the more I thought of it, the more I realized something was a bit off. One night while texting him, I noticed that he was being a super dry texter. I pointed that out to him and he said that it was depending on who he was texting and that he didn't text a lot of people so it didn't matter. I might've been overdramatic, but I left him on read, hoping that he'd notice that what he said kinda pissed me off. He did not notice and in the end stopped talking to me. It was then when I had the revelation that he was a conceited, self-righteous, arrogant, ignorant, atrocious, wackass, son of a bitch. He was the first person I had a crush on because of his personality, but the more I got to know him, the less I liked him. As a solution to this problem, when I walk past him in the halls, I give him dirty looks, or pretend that I don't care that he's there.
