Ana from Within

Chapter 4

*a week later*

"Five pounds? That's it? How the hell did that happen? I should've lost at least ten. I've been doing everything right! What more can I do Kailey?" I complained. I was so hungry all the time and I barely lost anything. "What have you been eating?" Kailey asked sitting on my bed. I didn't want to tell her the truth.  I had been sticking to the fasting days and the skipping lunch, but I was having very big portions. "Oh you know, just vegetables and fruit and stuff." She got up and took a hold of my shoulders. "Listen here, I know you're lying, but you have got to eat better. You need to actually eat fruits and vegetables or else you won't get anywhere! Do you want to be the next person on 'My 600-lb life'? No? I didn't think so. I'll draw out a meal plan for the next month and you have got to stick with it. I think you should go vegetarian and after a while go vegan." 

It was a lot to take in. I knew my mother would never let me go vegan but I would try anyways. I was tired or being called the fat girl and I would do whatever it takes. 

After a while she gave me her 'meal plan' for the month, I had to be honest, it seemed really strict. "I don't know if I can do this. Isn't five hundred calories kind of low? I mean I thought you were supposed to eat like twelve hundred cal-" "What's your point? Don't you want to get skinny? I mean look at me! I'm only one hundred pounds. And look at this girl." She showed me a photo on her phone of a really skinny girl. She looked sick almost. Her ribs poking out slightly, her collarbones protruding from her shoulders. "She doesn't look healthy." I said cringing. "Look in the mirror. Tell me what you see." 

I walked over to my full sized mirror and looked at myself. I don't think about it much. "I mean... I thought I looked fine. But I guess I am a little bigger than most girls." I started pinching at my thighs. And poking at my stomach. I put my arm out and grabbed onto the skin that hung. "See that?  That's all fat. You can get rid of that. If you don't want to eat under five hundred calories, there's another way you can do it. I'm sure you've heard about it." She points to the toilet. "You mean, make myself sick? Is that what you did?" I cringed at the idea of forcing myself to vomit. "Oh gosh no. I mean at first yeah, but I didn't really like it. But I think you should give it a go. You can eat whatever you want and you just stick your fingers down your throat and-" "I got it! I got it... I mean I just don't know if it's really worth it." I said. 

"Well text me later and let me know if you decide to do it. If you do, i'll send you some links for some 'inspiration' for losing weight okay? I gotta go, my mom is waiting for me."

After she leaves I brush my hair into a ponytail, and head downstairs.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The smell of grilled chicken and yellow rice filled the kitchen as I walked down.

"Smells great mom! What's the occasion?" I ask

"Why does it always have to be an occasion?"

"Because you rarely cook, and when you do, something big is happening." I take a whiff of the air and something in my head tells me that I shouldn't eat it, but I didn't think much of it at that time. 

"Well, honey, I wanted to wait until after dinner, but, your father and I are getting a divorce."