Difference And Acceptance.

Acceptance And Difference.

Her thoughts whir through her head as she listens to the slow K-pop ballad.

All her important memories from high school whir and link together. She feels conflicted as she tries to understand herself and her relationships with those surrounding her.

She tries to accept that she can't keep up a mask and hide in her own mind forever.

She finally realises that everyone around her tries to understand her, tries to understand her pessimistic point of view, but some just drift further away and there is nothing she can do.

A long-time friend becomes the person she dreads to be around.

An awkward atmosphere is created whenever they walk into the room; however they are oblivious. They are oblivious to her constant excuses as she begins to avoid them, but they do not notice because of their lack of interactions.

She knows that she has changed and that she was not who they originally became friends with, but she cannot stop the slow isolation and loneliness she feels when she is alone. She knows that she is in constant state of despondency and is becoming depressed.

She knows that her pessimistic perspective is a complete contrast to the optimistic mind she used to have. She knows that one day she will snap and the mask that is so effortless will crumble.

She knows she will have to accept that life is suffering and that trying to be happy in a world where she feels so insignificant is going to be difficult.

She will have to learn that everything she wants in life is not going to make her happy with her perspective on the world.

She will have to learn that she must cut ties with that one friend she has begun to hate and learn to think optimistically again.

She will feel true happiness again.

She removes her earphones as the friend she is avoiding walks into the drama dressing room.

"We have to be on stage to practice our play."

The mask that she wears slips on again as she puts on an enthusiastic tone. "I'll be there in a minute Kari. Just let me put my phone away."

"Don't be too long. I'll wait for you side stage Red," Kari says leaving.

Red's slight smile drops as she begins to dread acting out the play with Kari. She regrets choosing to join the drama club and when she walks out on stage she must act as yet another person.

Slowly Red makes her way towards the dressing room exit. She forces herself to act as a shapeshifting monster as she continues with the drama play. Although acting as shapeshifting monster cannot be any closer to what she actually is.

She is a conglomerate of all the things she thinks others want to see in her.

She becomes a different person with each passing day.

Red is seen as a heterosexual in the eyes of her parents at home. She hides in her room doing homework and continues to live in a lie.

Yet when she is at school where all her friends know of her bisexuality she still feels caged.

Maybe she is caged because of the troublesome relationships she has with her friends or the stress of the drama and music performance. Perhaps it is the growing number of assignments to do and the lack of time to complete them.

Even she does not understand herself.

The difference between her younger self and her current state troubles her.

She wonders what it is actually like to be happy.

She can remember her memories of happiness when she was younger.

Every day she wonders where her happiness went.

Every day she dies a little inside.

Every day she wonders if the happiness is slowly moving further out of her grasp.

All she can do is continue to exist and hope everything will get better.

All she can hope is that the music she listens to stays with her to help her through her difficult situations.

All she can hope is for her to accept her differences and live happily.