My little Journal -Ramblings in my mind-

Lonely minds wander (angst/TW-1)

You never know how lonely the world can be until your the only one around in it. -Anonymous.

Stationary...that's how it all seems when you're alone, whether it's in your mind, somewhere you comfortable, somewhere new, just anywhere. When you feel alone, its not serene as you hoped it be. No it is always eerie and strange. Like something can and will go wrong. i always hated that feeling, the paranoia, the silence that followed with even being left home alone. 

No loneliness was a disease i hated growing up. the silence and empty space always gave room to my imagination. Were they dead? Were they gone? Was i abandoned? Was i left alone for ever? My mind always seemed to wander. Sometimes my mind wandered to the good. Maybe they're getting me a puppy, maybe they got me ice cream! so many things ran threw my mind when i was alone. 

Maybe that's what stopped me from the tragedy of going insane when i was the only person left on the planet, or at least to my knowledge i was the last of my kind on the once green planet....They said a sickness wiped the rest out. That's what the news' articles said. "Sickness of the mind the new killer of the century suicide rates by tenfold." What happened while i was asleep that month...why didn't it affect me? why didn't it take me out a coma and kill me like it did the others of my town, my city, my city, country, my world!?!

I now wander aimlessly into the abyss that is my new home. the world i once knew was never coming back, now i must wander. Alone, cold, exhausted,...possibly sick. I think I've finally contracted what ever killed the rest of us. they say it starts in the brain. you lose the will to go, much like depression. I found an old apartment still intact, now i lay in bed and think about this all, even as i write this i wander. my mind wanders to many things. will it be over soon...will it be painful...

Apparently the apartment i found belonged to a young scientist. this... this sickness is a severe form of weaponized depression...it kills off every little bit of serotonin you have and begins to run down your thoughts, replacing every little jaunty thought you have with disconsolate ones. 

Eventually it would drive you mind to the darkest place, it drove you to death. but this all happened in stages. First you lost interest in anything but food and sleep, then you lost interest in food, next you couldn't sleep, finally the thought sat in and when your mind wasn't full of the thoughts your mind began to wander, wander to so much. i was here, i didn't have long left and i knew it.

So as i write my goodbye in my journal, i know its over now. I stand at he edge of a concrete ledge just above the town of Marvin, the sky was dusted in smoke as the remnants of its lost civilization burned down with my remaining energy i watched it letting my mind wander. "im no longer lonely now i see, were we that bad that it had to end this way, you see lonely minds wander...and now so does mine." with that final phrase i left the lonesome world and joined the others, after all lonely minds wandered and i wondered what it was like to be less lonely.