missed the moon and stars.

death was not nice to me.

life is a precious thing until it is almost taken away from us. when you are at the brink of death, you think of the could've & would've.

                                    i could've been happier,
           if i took action when the signs
           first became apparent.
would i have been really?
       i was never scared of death. i thought that the gift and wonders of life were cruel. why be born, if in the end, you'll die? what was the purpose? we all die.
          coming face to face with something malevolent. you never know your outcome. you spend days, months, years facing this entity. and you almost want death to sweep you off your feet. and take you where you finally believe you'll meet peace.
                   when i was at the hands of the little blue and yellow pills and the thin line of steel, i never saw peace. death didn't take me as soon as i thought he would. he made me take the opposite road of peaceful, the worst one. a road full of potholes where everytime you hit one, you would feel pain and regret. a road you'll regret taking.
         in the middle of my journey to peace, i finally felt what it was like for your life to slip out of your own grip and run faster and farther away from you. out of reach.
     we keep our lives by a leash. a tight grip, where it won't escape. sometimes it tries to force itself go and finally be loose, but we manage to catch it and grip it with extra precaution. sometimes, we slowly lose grip and let it run free. sometimes, we let it go without a thought.

       lately, i have been thinking of my road to peace. and what i had to endure to get to my destination. did i get to where i wanted to be? obviously not. death was not nice to me.