I keep quiet as he stares at me, expecting an answer that I refuse to give, that nothing about this was my fault. But how could I say that, how could I even think that, if I know that I was every single bit responsible for his death that everyone thinks I’m not? I try not to think about it too much though, because the guilt ends up weighing me down and my brain shuts off and I can no longer think. Whatever this therapist thinks of me, that maybe I'm all good and no evil - it's wrong. I can see that he's trying to make this 'easier' for me, but it really doesn't help.
"Listen to me, Lizzy. You don't have to own up to anything. You've done nothing wrong. I know you haven't. Take a deep breath and -"
I stop him mid-sentence. "Look. I didn't do it, okay?"
The therapist breathes out a sigh of relief. "Good. Now you've got that off your chest, recovery should be easy." He smiles at me. "I'll see you next week, Lizzy."
I give a subtle nod and walk out the room. I turn the corner and immediately lean against the wall, finally letting out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. As I struggle to catch my breath, I don't stop myself from letting my thoughts run wild. I didn’t want to lose him.
Because it's all a part of the big mess I'm stuck in, a bundle of lies and mistakes. And through it all I can see only one name, his name.
Callum.
***
It’s about ten in the morning when my dad wakes me up. He’s already dressed in his police uniform. “Morning Liz. Just thought I’d wake you up before I leave the house - and I need to show you something.” I’m still half asleep but my curiosity gets the best of me. “What is it?” I ask.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his set of keys. “Guess whose cell keys I was put in charge of last night.” My brain feels like a brick in my head, so I don’t bother answering. It doesn’t matter because after a brief pause, he’s continued talking.
“Steve Chase. He was put in jail last night for the murder of Callum Meyers.” I sit up so suddenly I feel my neck crack in the wrong direction.
“Callum.” I murmur under my breath. I stare at a spot on the wall, my mind rushing over the previous events that put me in this position in the first place. My dad puts a hand on my shoulder. “Listen Lizzy, I know he was your closest friend and you must miss him so much. But look at the bright side – his killer is in jail now so you don’t have to be scared…” I push his hand off my shoulder and all my anger is released. “We don’t know that! How do you know he’s even guilty?! You can’t just go around accusing random people for the murder of a sixteen year old boy! Would you blame me so easily if I were the killer!?” I swallow and proceed to stare him straight in the eye. “How could you be so heartless, so cruel?”
My dad says nothing as he slowly stands up and leaves the room. I bury my face in my hands and lean against the wall. I feel so guilty for saying those things, but I know now what I want to do.
I’m going to break Steve Chase out of jail, even if I die trying.
***
When it’s about half past four in the afternoon, I tie my long blonde hair into a messy braid and throw on a pair of leggings, black boots and an over sized tee-shirt. I let myself out of the house, lock the door, then throw the key somewhere into the bushes. I don’t think I’d ever be allowed to come back to this house.
