We moved to the lovely Costa Blanca North around eight years ago, and I can honestly say that we have had no regrets at all in leaving grey, cold, crowded England. Life here is as good as it gets; the weather is kind, the people lovely, the food and drink excellent, the whole lifestyle an object lesson in how life should be lived. Sounds wonderful? Take my word for it, it is!
Before we moved, I thought I had done as much research as it was possible to do. I thought I had all the answers at my fingertips; and bear in mind I used to work for the British Library, so if I couldn´t be confident that I had done my research well and thoroughly, who could? I read numerous “how to” guides, haunted the internet, made sure I kept up with all the Costa Blanca local papers on line. It was only after we had made the move, alas, that I realised that I had neglected the one, vital thing that all expats don´t understand, and it´s a real Catch-22 situation. You see, until you move, until you get over here and start settling in, you suddenly realise that whilst all that research is lovely, you still don´t have the key to living here.
Why? Simply because you don´t know what the right questions are to ask! You really do have to live here to know how true this simple fact is. The manuals and the internet articles are a help, of course, but they are far less than half the story. For instance, you may have read that you have to contact DWP (formerly DHSS) at Newcastle to get a letter stating you are not eligible for healthcare in the UK anymore, and that this letter will allow you to get state healthcare in Valencia. It certainly will, but only if you are in receipt of a state pension and even if you are a UK state pensioner, how, exactly, do you get that letter in the right hands to access the system? Your estate agent has made sure your new house in the Costa Blanca has electricity connected, so why has it suddenly gone off? And why on earth has your meter actually disappeared?? And how do you get it back??? (For the answers, read on!). You´re sure I have to pay income tax in Spain? How on earth do I do that? And why do I have to make an annual tax declaration when I don´t earn enough to pay income tax? What do you mean; you pay car tax in Spain? None of the cars have a tax disc, do they? And cars have to have MOT´s? You´re joking!
These – and a thousand other questions, and of course more importantly the answers to those questions – are the things I wished I had known about before we packed our bags and left the UK to live in sunnier climes.
Because, I am afraid, in laid-back Spain, if you don´t ask the correct question, you will either not get an answer at all (other than a shrug of the shoulders) or a good-natured stab at an answer that is likely to cause more confusion than anything else. At the very best, you will get an answer to the question you asked, but nothing else.
You will not be told that this is just part of a process, and there are lots more you need to do. Nothing will be volunteered, and if you don´t know what the right question is, you will find yourself sinking rapidly. Unfortunately, bureaucracy in Spain is immense and unbending. Rules and regulations change regularly, and it can be a nightmare if you don´t understand the basics. Once you understand the processes, it becomes second nature, and you stop worrying. It took me years to get to this stage!
The good news is that it´s not just aimed at us ex-pats. Spaniards are equally annoyed by it but they, of course, have the distinct advantages of both speaking the language, and being brought up to expect problem. We frequently used to see the owner of our local garden centre at the Ayuntamiento (Town Hall). We would exchange greetings, and then raise a questioning eyebrow. The response from Carlos was always the same; he would clutch his hair, raise his eyes to heaven and then shake his head before making for the nearest bar. A brandy or two seemed to help matters, because next time we were there, so was he!
