Tonight's Biggest Loser// Sal Vulcano & Geoff Wigington

The Recitation

After a thirteen hour drive, I have finally reached my destination. Today I am reciting my new (and first ever) poem in front of exactly 25 people. Those people are:

1.) Kevin Jonas
2.) Dwayne The Rock Johnson
3.) Mr. Clean
4.) Barack Obama
5.) My mom
6.) Your mom
7.) Judge Judy
8.) Sal from Impractical Jokers
9.) My Brothers Dog, Duke
10.) Paul Wesley
11.) John Travolta
12.) John Stamos
13.) John Cena
14.) John Legend
15.) Geoff
16.) Geoff
17.) Geoff
18.) Geoff
19.) Geoff
20.) Leonardo DiCaprio
21.) Adam Sandler
22.) Dr. Phil
23.) Ross Lynch
24.) Santa Claus
25.) Stephen Chbosky

Most people would be nervous to even speak a word in front of these people. I'm not nervous at all because I've practiced reciting my poem in front of my bathroom mirror multiple times. My poem is great and I'm excited to share it with these people.

It's currently 10:08 P.M.

I get out of my car and look out towards the lit up football stadium. I am supposed to begin my recitation at 10:10 P.M.

I start running across the parking lot, down the hill and into the stadium. It takes me exactly two minutes to reach the middle of the stadium and though I'm out of breath, I start reading my poem.

There once... was a small town girl
She was living... in a lonely world
She took.. the midnight... train going... anywhere.

"This is copyright..." Paul Wesley says, mouth full of hot dog.

"YOU KNOW WHAT, PAUL? I DID NOT ASK YOU!" I scream into the microphone. Paul had absolutely no right to interrupt my poem. He also had no right to insult me the way he did. "You can leave." I say to Paul, tears filling my eyes as I stare at the ground. Paul throws the rest of his hot dog at Santa Claus.

"This is your fault, you fat old man! This woman doesn't even deserve to step foot into MY football stadium and then she thinks she can kick me out?" Santa, clearly angry at Paul for calling him a 'fat old man', stood up and punched Paul Wesley in the eye. Santa then picks up Paul and throws him out of the stadium before walking out and stealing my car. I don't mind, though. Santa bought me that car for Christmas last year, anyway.

I want to continue my poem but my feelings are hurt so I decide to change up the poem a bit.

Hello
I never learned how to play the Cello
And I also can not sing
That's why my husband never bought me a ring

I wink at Geoff.

But that is why
I do not cry
because I know
that the snow
on Geoff's big toe
is the reason I am no longer a hoe
so
if life is soup
then i am a fork
and Paul Wesley
is a dork.

I take a bow and everyone starts clapping. Even George Washington, I didn't know he was here! I feel so appreciated. I have never felt this appreciated in my entire life. To thank everyone for being such a nice audience, I invite them to come to my house for a campfire.