Voices // Namjoon x BTS

11

-not edited-

Namjoon wanted to tear the page.

He pursed his lips as he glared at the plain white sheet of paper. The sound of pencil constantly being tapped on the table is the only sound heard in the room.

Namjoon drops the pencil on the table, leaning back on his chair, groaning in frustration. The due date of his solo song was coming closer, others were almost at the stage of giving their songs in while he had no inspiration to write.

He had started working on his solo song later than others since he had to work on both, wings and Japanese, the album as the other rappers were busy with their solo works.

Namjoon's eyes wandered around his new messy studio to get any inspiration but to his misfortune, he didn't get any.

Giving up, Namjoon got up from his chair, grabbed his coat, hat and mask. Fully covered, he takes his small notebook and pen and he exits the studio.

~~~~

Namjoon found himself meandering at Ttukseom resort station with an unopened can of beer in his hand. He looked over the Han River and the sunset, he took out his phone to record the water sounds realising after a while that he is way too up to be able to capture the waves so instead what it captured was the sound of clapping and subway train rolling away. He paused the recording and looked back at the commotion.

The crowd were circling around a couple. The male held the woman's left hand as she nodded her head, tears slipping from her eyes. Hugging her now fiancé after he had slipped the ring on her finger.

Love

Love was missing from his life. Be it be from someone else or from his own self.

"I wish I could love myself."

The words left his mouth in a soft whisper as he turned away from the crowd and sat on an empty bench, pulling his mask down and make sure that his hat hid his eyes to hide his identity. Even though nobody would want to meet a useless person like himself, still, he took the precautions.

You don't even deserve to love yourself. You don't deserve love at all.

Namjoon nodded in agreement. He looked over the crowd, seeing a few people recording the newly engaged couple's life like a movie. The others clapping and smiling, finding the movie to their liking after all everybody likes a happy ending.

The crowd dispersed into twos and threes, laughing, talking or just walking while holding hands. Making Namjoon realise that he is alone, like always.

You are never alone, I will always be with you, your friend.

'Yeah, I am not alone, I have a friend,' Namjoon reassured himself.

He grabs his notebook and pen, opening his beer ready to write as he had now found his inspiration.

I know
Every life's a movie
We got different stars and stories
We got different nights and mornings
Our scenarios ain't just boring
I find this movie very amusing

He continued to write before looking up at the crowd once more, remembering what he wanted to write.

With the people that are smiling
And beer, which makes me smile
Coming to me softly
Fear, which holds my hand
It's okay because everyone is in twos or threes
It's good that I have a friend, too

'Is the voice really my friend?' Namjoon questioned, to him the voice was the closest thing he had to a friend, he felt everybody hated his existence and were just tolerating him. Namjoon shook his head, focusing on writing.